Jammer Takes a "Wrong Turn"

Well, it's been an exciting week for the Joliet Jackhammers. At Tuesday's game, there was an unfortunate incident involving the third baseman of the Kansas City T-Bones and the Jammermobile, the "orange Volkswagen Beetle carrying the ever-popular mascot Jammer": the Jammermobile ran into baseman Jeff Brooks. My favorite quote from the article: "Brooks reportedly ran out of the dugout with his head down and did not see the slow-moving Beetle bearing down on him." Rest assured, Mr. Brooks was treated and released. No word on when the Jammermobile will return to the Silver Cross Field.

In other Jackhammer news, Melanie and Justin saw some exotic sights at Wednesday's game. First a hot dog loving elderly man fresh from a trip to the men's room was having trouble with the onion dispenser and decided to (literally) take matters into his own hands, opening the dispenser from the top and digging in. Luckily, Justin lectured "Handy Andy" before he could use any other condiments as finger food. The Smurfs have arrived in Joliet: the "Blue Jammer" slurpee appears to be quite the taste temptation for Jammers fans, as many gamegoers were spotted with blue faces, including a particularly winded preteen who appeared to have enjoyed several of the slushy sensations and was recovering by reclining on the stairs near the gift shop.

Thursday night Melanie, Courtney and I enjoyed a meal at Louie's Chop House, a restaurant that merited one of the highest compliments possible: "This doesn't even seem like Joliet." Actually, it's in Shorewood, but you get the point. We stopped in at the martini bar post-dinner for a performance by Frank Sinatra impersonator Peter Oprisko. Peter was quite the star, and as we sat front and center, he serenaded us (I was laughing so hard, he said to the crowd, "She thinks I'm hilarious!") However, the saxophonist and pianist who played with them didn't seem so entertained with Peter: they kept exchanging glances with each other and looked like they might have been trying to control some anger management issues. Unfortunately, we left before we could figure out what the deal was.

After a night at Louie's, we'd had enough class for one night and headed over to Heroes. Nothing too crazy happened, except for a beanbag player who seemed to be posing for a photo shoot while tossing, and an encounter with a group of guys who invited us over to hang out in their jacuzzi, Andrew Firestone style. The jacuzzi owner sported an ever so promising Girls Gone Wild Crew tee. When I asked the ringleader his name, he said, "I'm Dallas." I responded, "Hi, I'm Austin," which seemed to entertain him. Melanie's response of "I'm El Paso" was also highly amusing. In other Heroes news: our favorite flashlight shining, booty loving bouncer was apparently given the axe; the reason is a mystery, but we missed his antics on the dancefloor.

Friday night, following the "gustnado," Courtney, Megan and I went to see "Wrong Turn" at Movies Diez. If you enjoy movies involving inbred, backwoods, deformed , cannibal hillbillies (no, it's not set in Yellow Hammerville) chasing teens through the woods, this is the movie for you. If you do check out this film, be sure to note that one of the creatures ominously mutters "Jiggle it!" just a little bit while pursuing his prey. The rest of my weekend was spent in Chi-town for a wedding shower and a somewhat entertaining evening at Vision, a nightclub that I don't recommend visiting but if you do, check out the VIP rooms at adjoining club Excalibur (which unfortunately featured Cowgirl Go Go Dancers with more rolls than Panera Bread), as VIP apparently means anyone who can pull open a curtain.