Cast the First Stone

Ok, the Blotter is back in action. There have been a few pretty entertaining entries over the past week.


JOLIET ? A man who had several drinks suffered several nips from a loose pit-bull early Saturday, according to police reports.
The 21-year-old victim told police that while walking at Cass and Briggs streets at 6:10 a.m., he was caught off guard by a dog that approached him from behind. The black and beige dog clamped down on both arms, the man told police. Then, the dog ran away.
The man told officers that since he was intoxicated at the time of the attack, he would be unable to identify the canine if he were to see it again.

I would really like a few "Have You Seen This Dog?" posters with an artist's rendition of the perpetrating pooch put up around town. Since, the victim was too drunk to be able to identify his attacker I have a couple suspects:

a. Hamburglar, the burger stealin' pooch from Coal City.
b. In the Police Blotter entry immediately following the drunken man gets bitten one, a pitbull puppy was stolen from Infantry Drive. Hmm. . . .

And giving equal representation to cats and dogs. . .


Joliet resident reports cat hanging from post

JOLIET ? A South Reed Street resident found a cat hanging by its neck from a lamppost Monday morning.
Police responded and cut the cat down from the pole in the 100 block of South Reed Street.
The officers efforts were in vain, however, as the "cat was DOA," police said.
It was not known who owns the cat or where it came from.
A man living near the lamppost said the cat was not hanging from it when he left his home about 6:15 a.m. His neighbor noticed the cat shortly before 9 a.m.

What the hell? Did Tom Sawyer recently move to Joliet? Or am I on crack? It's been a while since I read that book, but wasn't there a cat hanging in there? Anyone? Shannon?

And my personal favorite:

Girl stoned
JOLIET ? A 13-year-old girl suffered a cut to her head when she was stoned by a pair of youths Monday on Gael Drive.
The injured girl was treated at Provena Saint Joseph Medical Center following the 7:10 p.m. incident in the 1000 block of Gael.
The teen told police she was visiting a friend. While walking down the street with this friend, they spotted some boys the friend "has a crush on," police said.
The girls "had done some acrobatics on the way down the street and (the 13-year-old) was about to do a cartwheel when two of the three boys started throwing rocks at them," police said.
One of the rocks hit the teen in her forehead, police said.

I don't know what amuses me the most about the article. Let's see, first the headline of "Stoned Girl" is so awesome and misleading, especially since the preceding blotter entry was about a guy looking for cocaine at Samy's. Second, I love the way that the girls were "doing acrobatics" going down the street. This really sounds like something that would happen, I remember the days of my friends and I in grade school randomly doing back flips and cartwheels for no apparent reason (well, maybe just my friends. I was not skilled in acrobatics). I also like the fact that the girl was "just about to do a cartwheel." I'm wondering how far into the cartwheel she got before the stoning began.

Recent adventures. . .a midterm on Friday kept me from going out Thursday night, but Friday's entertaining evening made up for that. Courtney and I went to go see 50 First Dates. Again, Ghetto 8. I swear there's a conspiracy. The movie was really cute, a little sappier than the usual Adam Sandler flick, unfortunately, but still very good. Highlights included Sean Astin as a lisping bodybuilder with mesh half tops and Zoobas, and a really good Gary Busey joke that I don't think anyone in the theater understood except for Courtney and I, judging from the absence of laughter. After the movie we joined Melanie and what seemed like half of Joliet at Heroes for a Brat Pack performance. The band was good as usual, I didn't do too much dancing due to the extremely crowded dance floor but it was a lot of fun. Many, many blasts from the past were spotted, including the Steve Sanders lookalike. Unfortunately it was one of those nights that was a lot of fun, but there wasn't a lot to write about, but it was good to see Heroes so packed again.

Saturday I did some shopping and during the evening headed to Samy's. It was not among the most exciting Samy's nights I had ever experienced, but still fun. Items of note included a guy who danced in a style that I think he thought was seductive, but I personally thought he looked like Foghorn Leghorn (or some other chicken) trying to be seductive. During the feverish chicken dancing his pants, and boxers, started falling down. He tried to slyly incorporate the "pants pull up" into his dance routine, but I was on to him. Also amusing was a trio of drunk guys who appeared to be from the cast of Average Joe who touched each other more than any group of drunken guys I've ever seen, scary stuff. Eventually entertainment was found in playing former favorite Foxy Boxes and aiding some JCA alums in playing another video game which involved finding the differences between almost identical pictures of scantily clad females.

Sunday I went to a fundraiser for United Cerebral Palsy with my dad where I ate a lot of food. On the way home, I spotted the oddest license plate frame ever: "Honk if You Love Alyson Hannigan." I was never aware that anyone had strong enough feelings for Alyson Hannigan that they would endeavor to create a license plate frame (come on, you know that had to be custom made) in her honor. Perhaps I should create a "Honk if You Love Jason Biggs" frame for my license plate. That's all for now, adios!