Whiskey Tango TV Review: Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

Any show starring Queen Cheeto and King Red Bull is necessary for discussion here on Whiskey Tango. Last night's premiere was a special hour long episode, entitled "Can You Handle My Truth?" I handled it the best I could, and if that was the truth, I am really scared. Obviously, we've all questioned Brit's mental capacity in the past, but now I'm really thinking there's not much up there. Much like Cheetos, there's a lot of air inside. Also like Cheetos, this show made me want to wash my hands so that no traces remained. Anyway, the format of the show consisted of Britney's home video footage of her "Onyx Hotel" (the hell?) tour, interspersed with current interviews with Brit and her parasite, aka Kevin Federline. One of the first scenes in the episode featured a close-up of Britney's knees, accompanied by her squealing, "They look like boobs!" Luckily, she didn't feel the need to draw on her knees a la Debbie Gibson. Britney spent much of the episode asking her staffers, who deserve whatever money they're making, such questions as "How do you feel about commitment and marriage?" and "What's your favorite sexual position?" One of Brit's bodyguards notably answered, "The bedroom." We also got some really great info on how Brit and Kev met. Apparently Brit was at a club, was introduced to Kevin, they danced together for a few minutes (was it a danceoff?), and sparks (or Cheetos crumbs) flew. Then Brit felt the need to fly Kev out to London for some shenanigans. A lightbulb went off above Kev's head that said "Meal Ticket!" and off he went. Kev's arrival led to a lot of shagging and some unfortunate footage of Feds in the shower. Yes, contrary to popular belief, Kevin showers. I doubt he uses soap though. I think that about covers the highlights. I'm kind of happy that from now on this show will be in half hour segments, I don't know if I can handle another straight hour. Anyway, this show was horrible in a completely wonderful way, and I will be continuing to watch. Red Bull/Cheeto count on the episode: 0, though I expect both foodstuffs to become major characters in future episodes.