The Best Is Yet to Come

I'm planning on putting up The Best (and worst) of 2003 tomorrow. I would have done it today, but I have other weekend stories to talk about and I want the Best (and possibly Worst) list to have its own separate entry. However, if anyone has any requests for categories for The Best and Worst of 2003, leave a comment, e-mail me, or put it on the tagboard.

As usual, we have Herald News stories. First, Sunday's paper had a good blotter entry:

Bad luck

JOLIET — A Chicago man had crappy luck while gambling at Harrah's Casino on Friday afternoon, police said.
As the man engaged in a game of craps, an unidentified black man standing at least 6 feet tall and wearing a Marshall Faulk football jersey reached in front of the victim and snatched seven black chips worth $100 apiece. Casino security was unable to catch the suspect as he fled from the establishment, police reported.
The supervisor on duty at the time of the theft told the victim that the suspect would be caught on security tape.

There was also a robbery at a fishing supply store. I'm thinking the "crappy luck" pun would have been equally appropriate.

In today's Herald News there was a pleasant surprise! I flipped to the In Focus section only to experience deja vu: the picture the Herald News printed in August of the kissing couple at the Jackhammers Game that features Courtney, Melanie and I looking on in amusement was featured again today as one of the photographers' favorite pictures of 2003. So last year I had my picture in the Herald News once and the Plainfield Enterprise once, I'm already at one picture in the Herald News this year. My quest for local celebrity continues. . . maybe one day I'll be interviewed by Diana Stonitsch on Channel 6 (and yes, I'll wear a hat)!

Also in the Herald News today were some entertaining Open Line entries. This first one is accompanied by a witty response from the H-N staff:

Another HN scheme ...
The gripers of the week who criticized the parents who brought a three or four year old to the sick movie "Bad Santa" ought to ask themselves what they were doing there. They evidently had read the reviews and came to deliberately watch the sex, vulgarity and violence and the swearing drunk Santa peeing on himself. I believe this letter was probably composed by The Herald News to get a little controversy started. No reader could possible be as sick as the gripers who found it difficult to enjoy this perverted movie because a child was present. Perhaps it has something to do with guilt about being there themselves. Joliet Editor's note: We didn't write the letter. Honest. We were too busy getting drunk and wetting ourselves.

That is a classic. I'm still laughing. I haven't seen Bad Santa but now I really want to. Yesterday's Herald News (can't find the column online) featured an editorial about how this year the H-N would include less "lowbrow humor" (this is tongue in cheek, of course) and sited Friday's "Reindeer Games" entry as an example of more sophisticated humor. If "Reindeer Games" and drunken urination are examples of more sophisticated humor, bring it on!!!

And bringing up the "rear" is this Open Line entry:

Bring back the thong guy

To the thong guy, please know that there are a lot of people who are behind you and thought you got a bum rap when you became the butt of everyone's jokes last year. I for one thought your story was quite fanny, I mean, funny. Joliet

Man, if I didn't know better I would have thought I wrote that one myself. However, as every time I've tried to call the Open Line I've burst out laughing in the middle of speaking, I can tell you it wasn't me. Also, in terms of the other thong guy, I wonder what Sisqo is doing now. I'll ask around.

Weekend stories. . .went to the mall with my mom on Saturday only to discover a Jamaican man performing with a keyboard at Carson's. I have no idea why. He performed such hits as "Don't Worry Be Happy" (he couldn't do the high part, so he played it on his keyboard) and "Day-O" over. . .and over. . .and over. . .again. "Day-O" appeared to be a favorite. I heard it 3 or 4 times when we were at the nearby Treasure Tree, walked around the mall for an hour or so, then came back to hear "Come mister tally man tally me banana" yet again. I'm surprised the nearby cosmetics counter employees at Carson's weren't stabbing themselves with their eye pencils.

Saturday night was a little bit of overdue Samy's action, considering that it was closed (again, how dare you!) on Thursday. Samy's was hopping as usual, and after my experience with the Wakeboarder/Extra/Gynecologist trio, it seemed like a good idea to try on some new professions for the evening. I became a nanny, and Megan became a Willowbrook police officer. The first guy that we tried this on fell for it hook, line, and sinker, though I almost got caught when he asked if I was a nanny or an au pair, and I wasn't sure about the difference (aren't au pairs just nannies from other countries?) According to Nanny-Agency.com, I'm right. I even concocted a tale for Megan about a throwdown at a wedding at the Willowbrook Ballroom involving a bride whose middle name was "Cupcake," and he seemed to believe it, especially when Megan pretended to get annoyed with me for breaking privacy codes. We tried it again with another guy later, but Megan eventually told him the scoop. Other than that not much else happened, but it was a fun night.

Sat on my ass and enjoyed TIVO yesterday, though why it thinks I would want to watch Family Ties and Nickelodeon cartoons is beyond me. I hate Rugrats with a passion, I just think they're scary. However, my neighbor Jack, kid reviewer for the Herald News and karaoke star did give "Rugrats Go Wild" an A+. As Jack is a smart kid, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt on that one, and he did make a good point, stating that it was hard to understand what the Rugrats say because they don't pronounce things correctly. True that, Jack. Ok, I'll be back tomorrow with the Best of 2003. Have a good one!