Wednesday, April 28, 2004

What Happens in Vegas. . .


Be happy I left my math book at home and can't get my work computer to open the right version of my history paper, because due to my stupidity you're getting another update. Enjoy!

When last we left off we had left the Palms due to MB 20 imposed exile. On the cab ride back, we had a hilarious cab driver who told us about a male strip club that featured a man with a very large "pickle." While this was a bit TMI, it was still very amusing. Friday we awoke, refreshed and ready for another day. Today we decided to take a stroll down the other end of the Strip in search of lunch, roller coasters, and other amusements. Our first interesting encounter on our walk was a guy wearing a T-shirt that said, "I don't like laserbeams." Bill informed me that this was a Phish lyric. Recent t-shirt slogan note: in the past 2 months, on separate trips to Samy's, I have encountered a guy wearing a shirt that said something to the effect of, "I have the d**k, I'm in charge," and a girl with a tee reading, "I have the p*ssy, I'm in charge." Unfortunately this wasn't on the same night, so there was no confrontation. After that we walked by the Treasure Island resort, where access was cut off due to some filming for the Miss Hawaiian Tropic competition. Basically the contestants were dancing on pirate ships singing a bastardized version of "Rock the Boat" that I think was called "Shake the Boat." This was quite hilarious. We finally ended up eating lunch at some really old casino/hotel called "The New Frontier," chiefly because their Mexican restaurant advertised $1.99 margaritas. Mexican food note: every time I hear the commercial for Chipotle with the "Burrito Lady" song, I hope that it's a real song. It's very catchy and sounds kind of like Jack Johnson. The food was not bad and the drinks were rather tasty. We kept heading down that way, passing trashier and trashier resorts. My favorite name was Westward Ho. I took a picture by that one, of course. We eventually decided to walk through Circus Circus and headed up to their carnival/boardwalk area to look at their games. I played a little DDR, we walked by some games, including one run by the scariest female carny known to man (she was quite aggressive in her approach to get people to play her games, and had crazy eyes), and passed a "Fanky Malloon" machine. What, pray tell, is a "Fanky Malloon"? I knew not, so of course I tried to purchase one. The machine had balloons on it, so I assumed it was balloon oriented. However, it seemed to be out of commission. Fanky Malloon became somewhat of an obsession on our trip, and when I got home I did some internet research, and eventually came across a Canadian website that had a Fanky Malloon machine. I emailed the proprietor of said website, and he informed me that it is simply a coin-operated balloon machine. This kind of took the intrigue out of Fanky Malloon, but I still wonder why they can't just call it a balloon machine.

We headed out of Circus Circus and went over to the Stratosphere, a skyscraper of a hotel with a few roller coasters on the top. Jeffrey, Julie and I decided to check out one of the coasters. We didn't want to do the free-fall one because it seemed kind of generic, so we did the one that the woman working there said was scary. Unfortunately, she was dead wrong, as it was one of the cheesiest roller coasters ever and a complete waste of money. It was cool to see the view from the top of the Stratosphere though. After that, we wandered through the odd, Jefferson Square Mall pre-ghost mall, post-real mall-esque shopping area in the Stratosphere and headed back to the Flamingo.

Brian was napping, so we picked up Bill and walked down the other end of the strip for a while. We checked out the Venetian, which was absolutely gorgeous, and got some gelato there. As we were leaving the Venetian, we noticed that their famous fountain show was beginning. People were running so quickly to see the show that you'd think they were giving away free money. My opinion of the show: pretty, but it's water set to New Age music. I was hoping they'd use classic rock or something. I entertained myself by leaping down the sidewalk in time with the fountains, but I just couldn't get into it. Note: I saw Rebecca Romijn (no longer Stamos, sorry Uncle Jesse) on Leno recently and she said that she and a friend are petitioning to choreograph the fountains at the Venetian. I'm all for it if she uses some Jesse and the Rippers music. Also amusing was the way that people clapped when the show was over. Way to go H2O!!!!

We ate dinner at a cafe in Paris, then headed back to the hotel to get ready for another exciting evening. Brian wanted to check out one of the area's gay nightclubs, so we tagged along with him to a club not far away called Gipsy. Apparently clubs with misspellings are not only common in Joliet. We weren't there for long before I had an amusing encounter. There was a somewhat odd looking man in a bow tie hanging out near the bar, and I noticed that he was staring at me. I wondered if I had something hanging out of my nose or my fly was open or something, as being at a gay bar, this was most likely not a romantic interest. Eventually he came over and informed me that my waistline was "to die for." Very odd. Soon after a drag queen (who had a really amusing name that I can't remember) came out for a fashion show that featured clothes from a store called "The Male Bag." After that I received a call from Andy, the guy I'd met the night before, to tell me that he was over at Studio 54 at the MGM Grand. We decided to head over there, and proceeded to wait in line for a while before getting in. Luckily, this wasn't anything like the real Studio 54, and no one had to take their shirt off before entering. However, inside, it actually did look like the Studio 54, at least from what I've seen of it in that crappy 54 movie and Studio 54: Behind the Music, they even had the big ass moon backdrop. 54 also features acrobats on trapezes coming down from the ceiling. Again, I liked this club, but I'm not used to such a sensory overload. I think I prefer things a little more laidback. We hung out there for a while without much incident, then headed back to the hotel.

Part 3 coming soon!!

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