A Night at S2X: A Guest Entry by Angie

A couple weekends ago, reader Angie of Joliet invited me to accompany her and some friends to the hamlet of Coal City for Jello Wrestling Night at S2X. Unfortunately I was already going to Naperville that night, but I asked Angie to write up a recap of her adventures. Here's Angie's tale.

So, I had some time today and I decided to fill you in on my Coal City experience. Oh, what a weird, wonderful night. hahaha...The drive to Club S2X (not to be confused with sex) was an interesting. Note from Emily: Club S2X is also not to be confused with "The Brickhouse" or "Batta Boom's," its previous names. Any place where the directions say to "turn onto the darkest side street and go over the railroad tracks" promises an interesting night. Anyway, we got to the bar around 11. I've decided that going to S2X is lot like a high school party in a basement of a house with a small wood bar erected in the corner. The place is really big, but it definitely has that "my parents' basement" charm. There's even an elegant front door leading to a back supply room. Amanda and I got there and decided that we needed a drink to help ease the experience that was Coal City. We headed to the bar and received no less than 17 catcalls and hollas. Note from Emily: Was the word "holla" actually uttered, and was a calculator in use to tally this number? Seems that we were a minority... girls under the age of 30.

After scoring some drinks we headed to the back of the bar and found our friend Matt who bounces there. We sat and talked to him for a minute until he had to run and break up some sort of civil dispute: two men fighting over whose beer it was on the table. Man, they're hardcore down in the CC. Note from Emily: At any time in the evening, did anyone utter the words, "This is how we do it in the CC, bitch?" We headed over to the edge of the dance floor to experience what was being called "Jell-o Night". We got there just in time for the "Put Your Weiner in Jell-o" contest. This consisted of girls tying string around their waists with a hot dog swinging at the other end, between their legs. While standing with your hands behind your back, you had to drop the hotdog into the cherry Jell-O below. (Keep that mind out of the gutter...)

After trying to watch through a solid wall of 30-something year old men and above, we decided to head to the second bar for another round. This is where we met Orange Shirt Man and Old Drunkard. OSM was part of a larger crowd who all mysteriously had the last name. When I inquired about the connection, they said, "We're all cousins. It's like family night!" I politely laughed and turned to order the drinks. After a few minutes of polite conversation, the cousins headed out, but OSM lingered and cornered Amanda against the bar. Trying to occupy myself while they talked, I made friends with OD (B?) who was sitting next to me. He gave me the travel cup, pen and bumper sticker he won in a previous Jell-O contest that happened before we arrived. Note from Emily: Did he also have to drop a hot dog into Jell-O?He seemed harmless enough until he started inching closer and the hands got a mind of their own. Anyway, after warding him off for a while, he decided he had to go to the bathroom. He got up and staggered away. That was when I noticed he left his $97 in change on the counter. Being the painfully honest person I am, I waited for him to get back and babysat his change. Then Mander and I finally headed away.

Right about here is when they started the Jell-O Wrestling in a giant kiddie pool set up on a small stage. We watched about 3 rounds, getting tired of the spectacle quickly. It consisted of two girls stripped down to their bras and unmentionables and dancing. No real wrestling took place until a saucy red head named Michelle (or something like that) arrived on the scene. While the other girl was trying to dance sexily (is that a word?) (Note from Emily: yes), she plowed into the other girl, slamming her to the ground. This match was short lived, being called off by the judges. Apparently they only wanted dancing, no actual wrestling. We tried to walk away, only to find that the guys who were on chairs to see the match were looking down everyone's shirts that walked past. So there were a lot of other eventful things that happened but this story is already long enough. I met a man who told me about being in jail, his two babies' mommas and how is naming his next child Nevaeh. (heaven backwards). Note from Emily: Were the other kids named Lleh and Yrotagrup? Ironically enough, he was one of the cousins we had met earlier.

Angie, I'm going to have to join you on your next trip to "Club S2X." As my only trip to Coal City involved McDonald's, it's time to check out the hot spots.