More Scenes from a Subway

So I went to Subway today, and as usual, encountered some oddities. First, a man had to explain to his female companion that the "green cans" were Mountain Dew. She seemed a little confused by the concept; apparently she has not been privy to the charms of the lemon-lime caffeine sensation. Her teeth will thank her later. Secondly this group (Man 1, Man 2, and Mountain Dawn) had a big discussion about where to sit. Issues raised were table versus booth, and avoiding the glare. Seeing as the sun wasn't too strong at this point, I don't think they'd have to worry about much of a glare, except perhaps a glare from me. Thank goodness Subway doesn't have maitre d's or there could have been some trouble. Finally, Man 1 of the group had quite a time ordering his sandwich. Apparently he felt that everyone in line wanted to know about his sandwich as he was quite loud, and when asked about condiments, he asked his sandwich artist to "hit me up with some pepper." Maybe I should have informed him that Pepa is now on the Surreal Life. Subway: Eat Fresh, and See Freaks.

Ok, lots to talk about. First, Herald News news. As usual, the Louis Joliet Mall is breaking new ground in crap. We're potentially getting a new store, a big new store that will take up, according to this H-N story, the space of four former tenants. And what store might this be? Why, the ever useful Steve & Barry's University Sportswear. Please, explain to me the need of such a store in J-town. Nothing against the store, but it's not a necessary mall staple. Neither is that bizarre giant trampoline contraption outside Marshall Field's. I know with Champs leaving we'll have only have three sportswear stores (four if you count Lids), but enough is enough! Joliet is not a college town. If anyone wants JJC or USF gear, they can just go to the schools. I guess it's nice to know that if I want a new Northwestern shirt, I won't have to go to Evanston, but I don't really like purple too much anyway. Louis Mall, in the wake of the Victoria's Pervert scandal, you'd think we could step it up, maybe bring back Arcadia (I miss that store and could use another Lava Lamp pen). But no. Shannon and I discussed the personification of Westfield Shoppingtown Louis Joliet, and we decided it's a deadbeat boyfriend, the Jordan Catalano, if you will, of malls. It has great potential, you think it's going to be so awesome and you want it to be a good mall, you do. Once in a while, something good happens, like Friday's (equivalent to making out with Jordan Catalano in the boiler room). But it disappoints again and again, and it's not until you go to another mall like Fox Valley (aka Brian Krakow) for your "needs" that it throws you a bone (or an expanded American Eagle). Ultimately, though, you and the mall both know that it's not going to work out. As Shannon says, "You see so much promise in his pretty, pretty eyes, but behind them there is nothing." Thus ends the extended My So Called Life simile. One more mall bit: the little convenience store in the Sears Death March section of the mall is moving to the food court and being renamed "Munchies Mart." They should put it by the Rocky Mudd's stand.

Blotter news:

Man injured after hit on head with stone
JOLIET — A man was bashed on the head with a large stone after emerging from his car in front of his Eastern Avenue home early Thursday.
The 34-year-old man suffered a large cut and bump to his head in the 2:15 a.m. attack. He was treated for his injuries at Silver Cross Hospital.
The man pulled up to his home in the 200 block of North Eastern Avenue and got out of his vehicle, police said. No sooner did he get out of the car than he was clubbed in the head with a large stone.
"While dazed and on the ground, (the man) saw a large-build (man) running away," according to a police report.
The injured man called some friends who went to his aid and took him to the hospital.

I am somewhat confused by large-build (man). Was gender in question? And someone missed an awesome opportunity for a "Man Gets Stoned" headline. We all have our off days.

Man flips car while cohort videotapes
JOLIET — A man apparently flipped over a young woman's Chevy Cavalier after smashing out all the windows, then perched atop the overturned car while another man captured the moment on videotape.
A woman driving south on Essington Road about 11:30 p.m. reportedly told police she "saw an overturned car in the rear lot of Sonny's Delite" at 1730 Essington Road.
"She pulled into the lot and there was a Man flips car while cohort videotapes
JOLIET — A man apparently flipped over a young woman's Chevy Cavalier after smashing out all the windows, then perched atop the overturned car while another man captured the moment on videotape.
A woman driving south on Essington Road about 11:30 p.m. reportedly told police she "saw an overturned car in the rear lot of Sonny's Delite" at 1730 Essington Road.
"She pulled into the lot and there was a (man) standing on top of the vehicle and another (man) taping him," according to a police report.
The two men left the parking lot, police said. The woman then called police.
The woman who owns the car reportedly told police that a man has come into Sonny's Delite in the past and "asked if he could break the windows and flip (the car)."
Police said the man standing atop the ravaged red 1994 Cavalier is white or Hispanic and 18- to 24-years old. He and his cohort departed in a green, early 1990s Pontiac Bonneville. standing on top of the vehicle and another (man) taping him," according to a police report.
The two men left the parking lot, police said. The woman then called police.
The woman who owns the car reportedly told police that a man has come into Sonny's Delite in the past and "asked if he could break the windows and flip (the car)."
Police said the man standing atop the ravaged red 1994 Cavalier is white or Hispanic and 18- to 24-years old. He and his cohort departed in a green, early 1990s Pontiac Bonneville.

I don't get this one. Dude regularly comes into Sonny's under the guise of wanting a twinkle coat cone with the little eyes on it, but he keeps asking a chick if he can break her windows and flip her car. She doesn't report this? So strange. Also, what's up with the "18 to 24" age range? Arbitrary much? Also, more (men) were involved. Men is so the new quotation marks.

Chemical splashed on driveway
JOLIET — A woman said she awoke Wednesday morning to find a mysterious chemical splattered on the garage and driveway of her Oak Tree Lane home.
The woman told police her residence was in good order about 11:30 p.m. Tuesday, but by 10:30 a.m. Wednesday, she discovered an "unknown chemical" had been splashed on her garage and driveway.
The woman reportedly told police this has happened three times but she has not the faintest idea who is doing this or what the "unknown chemical" may be.

I call Ecto-Plasm!
w
Ok, recent (and not so recent) adventures. It's been a while. Going back to Fourth of July weekend. . .for the Friday evening Naperville adventures, see Shannon's blog for details, it was an amusing night. Shannon neglected to mention that our Naperville compadres seemed to really enjoy the soundtrack CD from my cousin's wedding that we had on in her car. I guess everyone loves "Thunderstruck." Saturday I went to my cousin's graduation party, followed by my sister and I going to see "War of the Worlds." Real life Tom Cruise: major freak. Acting Tom Cruise: excellent. Great movie, three stars. Sunday we enjoyed a trip to St. Joe's Park. I introduced my brother to the fun of senior citizen bingo, and I won a (still unopened) bottle of white zinfandel at pull tabs. Consumed at the picnic: a smokie (finally!!!), a cupcake from the bake sale, a Mike's Hard Lime (St. Joe's has the best selection of malt liquor-based beverages in Joliet), and a "Walking Taco." What is a walking taco? It's a bag of Fritos (seriously) with ground beef, cheese, lettuce, and sour cream in it. Delicious, and as my brother said, probably breaking some health code violations. Note: I did a search for "walking taco" on Yahoo and it led me to this short story that really confused me because the narrators kept switching.

On the 4th itself, a bunch of us headed up to Ribfest for the fireworks. While we had missed Loretta Lynn, we got to hear some band that sounded vaguely like 311, but wasn't 311. I did not have any ribs, but I did have a "citrus shakeup" (I prefer old school lemon), and Shannon and I got a fried Milky Way that ended up being split between Courtney, Rob, Joe, Shannon and myself. One bite was definitely enough. The fireworks were fabulous, but we didn't understand why people were camped out on the wet grass for hours when we just walked up five minutes prior and enjoyed the same fireworks. The soundtrack for the evening was not too good; we had to listen to Fozzie Bear (or possibly Bert) singing the National Anthem, some Faith Hill and Wilson Phillips renditions of patriotic songs, and Neil Diamond's vaguely threatening "Coming to America." My preferred soundtrack? "Wheel in the Sky," "American Girl," and "America, F**k Yeah!" from Team America. After the fireworks, we walked around for a bit and were extremely amused at the "Lick My Ribs" t-shirts available for purchase. We got back to downtown and met up with Nancy and Aaron in the parking lot for a bit, and were amused by a few things: the number of people urinating by the parking structure (2) and the girl that asked Nancy and Aaron for a ride to her house (they declined).

Ok, I just tried to post this and the computer ate it, so my stories from last night'sThursday bar adventures and tonight's trips to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Best. Movie. Ever) and the Harry Potter happenings will have to wait. This weekend is filled with a boatload of events: Harry Potter comes out, "Wedding Crashers" comes out, and it's my birthday weekend. There's also a Journey concert, but I'm holding out for the return of Steve Perry. One day, it'll happen. More news to come soon!