Thursday, October 20, 2005

Page D7!!!

Update: I forgot to note the incredible SWOLLEY that the rat guy is wearing. Thanks Fivetone!
And it starts. . .once you finish reading about prostate cancer and Lynne, Mary, and Natalie's opinions on handshakes, check out page D7 of the H-N, which has an ad for my new column. Though the Photoshopping kind of makes me look like I have no butt, I'm pretty happy with it. The first column will be in tomorrow, I believe.

Speaking of the H-N, the front page picture freaked me out today, so I posted it with this entry. Hopefully this is legal, credit goes to John Patsch of the H-N. I'm not offended by much, but DEAD RATS on the cover of the paper is really kind of nasty. I really enjoyed "The Secret of Nimh" as a child and don't like to see rats suffering. Here's a link to the article. My favorite quote comes from a neighbor of the rat killer:

Neighbor Merle Widner said he saw one of Smith's little children chasing a rat on a recent afternoon.
"I don't think the kid knew what they were," Widner said. "I said, 'Hey, stay away from that rat. If you get too close, it'll bite.'"

Ok, what else would the kid think they were? Gerbils? I'm hoping this picture will stir up some controversy similar to the "picture of the diagram of the female anatomy" controversy from a couple weeks ago. That was good stuff. Blotter has been lacking lately, so I'll check the Open Line:

In the "Didn't Write This, But I Wish I Had" category:

Laughing at complaints
God bless The Herald News for printing that picture of the human anatomy in the "Making the Grade" section, because without it I wouldn't be able to laugh at all the people who called in and complained about it. What is wrong with all of you people? My God.

Yet another winner on the controversy:

Picture offensive
Page 1 Section D, about "Making the grade." My God, you showed a picture of a human. How can you show a picture of a human in the paper? That's offensive. There should be no pictures of humans.

Note on this comment: I keep forgetting to scan in the "artist's rendering" of the would be mugger:

Cash carrier
I have two words for Billie Limacher and the Bicentennial Park: night deposit. There is no reason an 84-year old woman should be taking home $11,000 dollars in cash and not depositing it at the night deposit.

In recent adventures, I've been sick this week but I did have some fun last weekend. Wendy and I went to Jameson's on Thursday night, and I was glad to see that their bathroom is all snazzed up again, as a couple weeks ago they must have been in the middle of construction and were lacking a mirror and quite possibly soap. Adventure wise, we saw a lot of lookalikes: a dude that was a cross between deceased INXS lead singer Michael Hutchence and "Rock Star: INXS" runner-up Marty Casey, who we quickly named "Marty Hutchence", another dude that bore quite the resemblance to INXS member Andrew Farriss (the kind of fuzzy looking guy), and a guy who looked like a cross between Sayid and Hurley on "Lost" (Huryid? Sayley?) Anyway, "Lost" dude was dancing up a storm on the dance floor, much to the entertainment of Wendy, myself and a guy who, according to his baseball jersey, is known as "The Sarge." The music at Jameson's was. . .interesting. I'm wondering if they're trying to skew older and send the younger folk to Sapphire, as they were playing "Twist and Shout" during one point of the evening. It's a Thursday night, not a wedding! Then again, we did encounter some fellow JCA alums who were dressed up in suits, but apparently that was for a USF alumni banquet.

Friday night was also enjoyable. We had dinner at Maurie's Table, during which I checked out the infamous Adrianne Curry booth (by the way, this week's episode was disappointing), then headed out to Roadhouse, where nothing too wacky occurred. Saturday night I went out with some school friends in Naperville. We went to Two Nine again, which I liked better this trip than the last, but nothing much to report there. I'll be back tomorrow, most likely, with a link to my first column. Adios!


Blogger Angry Jolietan said...

Perhaps Billie Limacher can get a police escort to and from the bank from JPD. Oh wait they're all hanging out at Larsen's.

Congrats on the column! Looking foward to reading it.

11:24 AM  
Blogger FiveTone said...

Because I don't have any bird cages to line, or puppies to train, there is no reason for me to buy the printed version of the H-N. Fortunately, I have this blog and the H-N online version to keep me up to date on j town. The problem, though, is the online version often doesn't include pictures, like the rats, or Emily's butt. Do they really show your butt?

11:57 AM  
Blogger DaGoose said...

Well, the girl that writes about food and the Shooting from the Lip ladies have their pictures online, so maybe mine will be with my actual column. Basically it's a picture of me sitting on the words "Emily Paints the Town."

2:11 PM  
Blogger FiveTone said...

They should have taken a picture of the words "Emily Paints the Town" printed on your butt, Abercrombie style. That would get our attention.

Anyhow, congratulations! I can't wait to read it.

3:38 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Emily, I love the ad (*coughkellymastersonripoffcough*). I too was surprised by the lack of posterior -- maybe it's because you were sitting on something. Who knows? But the ad is awesome. I actually cut it out of the paper and put it on my corkboard, it's too funny. I can't wait to see the column.

4:29 PM  
Blogger DaGoose said...

Oh, the Abercrombie style ad would be AWESOME. It would be like the credits for Degrassi High!

6:37 PM  
Blogger Angry Jolietan said...


7:45 AM  
Blogger DaGoose said...

Oh, that's a lie. My pals Wendy and Tim live there, and they're no dorks. However, the people that come up with the bar hours=dorks. I hear Morris has similar bar hour issues, but I've not partaken of their bars yet.

1:26 PM  
Blogger FiveTone said...

How about the swolley rat boy is wearing?

1:38 PM  
Blogger DaGoose said...

Oh I'm slipping! I missed a completely awesome chance to point out a swolley.

1:40 PM  

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