Heroes, Hoochies, and Hair Bands

Yet again, the Herald News was boring. It must be a conspiracy. So we went to Heroes last night, and I observed some disturbing, yet amusing things. There was a pair of girls, that for the second week in a row, has arrived in matching outfits. Not just any matching outfits, but hoochie mama matching outfits. Last week they were outfitted in some kind of sequinned bra tops, this week they went for red fringe. The "Tawdry Twins," along with their friends, also engage in behavior often seen at Heroes: grinding on each other to attract guys. It's just too skanky for me to handle, and much like the Cha Cha Slide, I refuse to participate on principle. At one point when the grinding was just a little too freaky for me to handle, I accidentally blurted out, "Eeww!" audibly enough for one of the grinders' friends to hear. Luckily, she smiled and laughed, perhaps sharing my pain, and I stepped away from the hoochies.
Heroes has a DJ on Thursdays, and when you go there as often as my friends and I do, you tend to notice a pattern in the order of songs. One such pattern is what we call the "Ass Trilogy." The ass trilogy consists of three consecutive songs dealing with booty; examples include "Baby Got Back", "Booty Call", "Back that Ass Up", and "Shake That Ass." This week's ass trilogy only consisted of "Booty Call" and "Back that Ass Up," which did not allow enough time for our favorite security guard to shine his flashlight on various booties on the dance floor. One final bit of Heroes info: for those in the know, the scary Express employee, previously only spotted in her workplace and at Barnes and Noble, was seen at Heroes last night, in a frightening fur collared sweater like the ones she tries to push customers to buy.

In the other story of the day I recently made a cd of the songs that every cover band seems obligated to include in their repertoire. Here's the playlist:
1.AC/DC-Shook Me All Night Long
2.Billy Idol-Dancing With Myself
3.Bon Jovi-Livin' On a Prayer
4.Cheap Trick-I Want You to Want Me
5.KC & the Sunshine Band-Get Down Tonight
6.Joan Jett-I Love Rock N Roll
7.Pat Benetar-Hit Me With Your Best Shot
8.The Romantics-What I Like About You
9.Bryan Adams-Summer of '69
10.Poison-Talk Dirty to Me
11.Rick Springfield-Jesse's Girl
12.Violent Femmes-Blister in the Sun
13.Def Leppard-Pour Some Sugar on Me
14.Cheap Trick-Surrender
15.Kiss-Rock N Roll All Night
16.Commodores-Brick House
17.Wild Cherry-Play that Funky Music
18.John Mellencamp-Jack and Diane
19.Journey-Any Way You Want It
20.John Mellencamp-The Authority Song
21.James-Laid
22.Van Morrison-Brown Eyed Girl.

So yesterday I did a websearch on Whiskey Tango, and what do I find but this? Yes, a Missouri band called Whiskey Tango that seems to epitomize the Whiskey Tango ideal. Check out the hair on Darrell, and I think Darren and Donnie in the back (Moke, the only non-"D" named Whiskey Tangoer, seems to have avoided the curse of the bad hair) seem to be sporting the business in front, party in back look that sends every Billy Ray Cyrus lover aflutter. But it gets even better-check out the song list. Tracks 6, 11, 14, 15, and 17 from my cd are included. Perhaps Whiskey Tango will do some Chicago dates. If not, I might have to order a t-shirt. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like they sell fringed, airbrushed baby tees, as would be fitting.