The Best and the Rest of 2003

I know you've all been breathless with anticipation waiting for the Whiskey Tango 2003 Awards. Basically, I'm making up these categories as I go along, so if anyone has any other ideas I can always make a second edition. Read and enjoy!


Favorite bar (Regular Hangout): This was a tough one. Obviously, the top 2 choices were Heroes and Samy's. While Heroes embodies summer fun, Samy's has been great lately. I wanted to make it a tie, but that would be copping out. Based mostly on recent trips out, I'm going to give Samy's the 2003 award. It's a very rare night that Samy's is "dead," there's always something going on and adventures to be had. Another good thing about Samy's is that there are always people dancing there. When you go to Heroes, it's quite often that the dance floor is nearly empty. Though my opinion may change again in the summer, right now Samy's is the favorite.

Favorite Area Bar that I Went to for the First Time in 2003: I'm limiting this to bars in Chi-town suburbs, as I went to some awesome bars in Ireland that would definitely win this category. I went to some new places in Chicago as well, but we're talking Whiskey Tango, not Windy City. Suburban bars I went to the first time last year were McBrody's, Wild Olive, Buffalo Wild Wings, the little Irish pub in downtown Plainfield and "The Pub," the newest incarnation of "The Lodge" at Four Lakes. We apparently went to the Wild Olive and the Pub on their off nights, some strange stuff was going on at the Irish place when we went there, and I will forever associate Buffalo Wild Wings with Steve Bartman, so I'm going to have to give this award to McBrody's. I haven't been there since Labor Day weekend, but it's a great place to hang out in summer after Jackhammer games, especially on the patio, and it's where I had my first encountermeeting Whiskey Tango fans. Though I have not ventured that way in quite a while, I'm sure that when the weather gets nicer I'll be checking it out again.

Least Favorite Local Bar: Another fun one. I could say Grapevine, but Grapevine has been fun at times. I could say Bedrocks, and I'm very close to saying Bedrocks, but I had fun there once. I'm going to have to go with Glory Days, because in all the times I've gone there (maybe 5 or 6?), I've never had fun. I do really like their food, and I think it's a really nice bar, but the fun factor is just not there. It's not too social, the music seems like an afterthought, and I always forget it exists. I think maybe it's geared toward an older crowd and that's why I don't have fun, but I don't know. I have heard that it is (or used to be, I can't keep up with all the trends sometimes) fun on Wednesdays, but I've also heard that the dreaded Gippers is fun on Wednesdays, so I'll have to check these things out soon. Glory Days has a lot of potential, it just hasn't become the best bar it can be yet.

Most Entertaining Bar Employee: As many of you know, Chuckie, the booty loving, flashlight shining bouncer from Heroes had this one won for the last few years. However, now that Chuckie no longer works there, we had to find a new winner this year, and it comes in the form of the bouncer that stands on a box on the dance floor and strikes J. Crew catalog poses at Samy's. The poses include "Hands on Hips" and "The Thinker," and must be seen to be believed.

Most Amusing Bar Patron: There is little doubt in my mind on this one. The one, the only, the JLH.

Favorite T-Shirt Slogan: 2003 was the year of the t-shirt. I'm hoping this trend continues next year, as I love amusing t-shirt slogans. My favorite t-shirts that I myself own are "Joe Mama" and "Everyone Loves an Irish Girl." However, I've seen some great ones this year, including "The Cross: It's Not About Jewelry, It's About Jesus," "The Legend" (featuring an arrow pointing to the crotch)and "Injection Is Nice but I Prefer to Be Blown." However, the winner of this award goes to the shirt worn by a Heroes patron on my birthday: "You Say Tomato, I Say F**k You.". What happens if you say Tomahto?

Favorite encounter with a Whiskey Tango fan : This would be a tie between the party I went to over Thanksgiving (they had Chicken Chunks!!!) and the time this summer when some guy, I still don't know who it was, came up to me by the dance floor at Heroes, yelled, "Whiskey Tango!" and gave me a High-Five.

Favorite Police Blotter Entry: A tough one, as you can imagine. There really wasn't one particular one that stood out to me, but I'm going to have to make it a tie between the "exotic dancer gets dropped during a lap dance incident" and the "senior citizens get feisty about Bingo" debacle. You can't make this shit up. Honorable mention goes to the Coal City Courant's oral sex incident.

Best Bar Night (Heroes) There were so many, but we're going to go with Casual Night, August 7. So many amusing things: the dollar, shout-outs, capri pants man, and I'm thinking that may have been my first trip to the Hot Skillet.

Best Bar Night (Samy's): I'm thinking Night Before Thanksgiving/Megan's Birthday. Essence Suites gift certificates, JLH at her usual level of hilarity, and we finally got our guy friends to dance.

Worst Bar Night: An Easy Winner: Saturday, June 7, the Night at Samy's We Don't Like to Talk About

Best Pick Up Line: Another easy winner, coming from Hank, the former Jackhammer: "I'm Hank, this is my nekkid partner Brent, and we're gonna have a nekkid party with you."

Ok, I think that's about it. Again, if you have more ideas for categories let me know. I'll be back tomorrow or Thursday (I'm going to attempt to update every (week)day this week!). Adios!