Been Caught Stealing

I don't believe I have ever been caught stealing, but I've never actually stolen anything that would require a purchase. Some of my friends have been known to lift the occasional glass from a tavern or two, but my main form of theft was signs. I had a great "Make Steakburgers Not War" sign from Steak N Shake up on the wall of my room in college (I recall the theft vividly, as a partner in crime almost castrated himself on a low wire while trying to upend a "Beans" sign). My other favorite was my "Joliet: All American City" sign that I believe Jennifer Wright and I nabbed off Taylor Street one night. However, all of these signs pale in comparison to the sign that a former coworker of Jennifer had in his apartment, a pilfered For Sale sign from a house, where the listed realtor was "Michael Bolton."

Ok, I haven't written in a while. I think it would take me too long to detail all of my recent social doings, so I'll just give a few stories, and of course, some recent Herald News fun. I'm going to start updating MUCH more frequently so I can be more thorough in my stories.

Some new spots have opened in Joliet over the past few weeks. . .Jameson's, Crabigail's, and Sapphire Club. I've only been to Jameson's so far, but I'm sure I'll hit the other two soon. Jameson's was supposed to originally open two weeks ago, and Melanie and had plans to check it out. Alas, the grand opening was pushed back to the following Monday, so that Thursday I went to Cemeno's and Samy's instead. That weekend involved a lot of eating (Heaven on Seven, aka my new favorite restaurant and Rosebud in Naperville), a trip to the Corn Maze with Shannon (not as harrowing as last year, basically because we had to bust out early so we got a "Corn Cop" to guide the way), a trip to Features that "featured" three little people (ok, one was at Rosebud, but I was trying to be "punny").
That Tuesday Shannon, Joe and I attempted a second shot at Jameson's. My cousin informed me that an interested patron had tried to stop by for lunch on Monday, but someone there informed him that it would be open "maybe that night, maybe tomorrow." We drove by and the sign now said, "Grand Opening Wednesday." Jameson's, what's with the false moves? Instead we went to McBrody's, where Shannon and I tried a bizarre, and not tasty beer called Hacker Pschorr, then to Larsen's.
Thursday, it was time for yet another attempt at Jameson's. We had confirmation from various sources that it was indeed open. We walked in. . .and it was Glory Days deja vu. Basically, I would describe Jameson's as Glory Days with copper topped tables and no pool tables. They do have a little game area in the back, and a little raised stage that I hope will be for bands, but otherwise it's not too different. They do have Blue Moon, though I was disappointed that they were already out of oranges. The menu looks awesome though and I'll have to try their food soon. Last week we had what I like to call "Change of Pace Friday." I met up with Courtney and her co-workers at the Foundry (where they need to update their menus, I was so distraught that I couldn't order crabcakes. Also, their fajitas are not recommended), after which we met Melanie at the "Fat Bean Coffeehouse" to watch one of her students perform. I am now a big fan of the Fat Bean, it's a really cute place and a nice break from Barnes and Noble. It seems to be the hot spot for high school students, which was hilarious, and totally paralleled the bar experience. We had to pay cover to go in (but got a free drink with the cover, and near the end of the evening, an employee called "Last Call" on cappuccinos and other beverages. After that Melanie and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings to have a drink and tried to kick some butt in the trivia game, but it was more difficult than we anticipated.

Saturday I had another trip to the corn maze, this time accompanied by my neighbor and my brother. As my brother has superb map skills, we were in and out of the corn maze, all checkpoints punched in 35 minutes. Needless to say I blindly followed along and contributed nothing to the process, but I did have some Cheetos. I try not to eat Cheetos anymore ever since the new Whiskey Tango version of Britney Spears committed wholeheartedly to the Cheetos, Red Bull and cigarettes diet, but sometimes Chester Cheetah cannot be resisted.

No other really good stories from recent nights out, but last night Shannon, Amee and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings (yet again), and for the first time I tried their food. I don't think their regular wings are as good as Hooters, but they're still pretty awesome and their Thai chicken wings are amazing.

And in recent Herald News. . .

Woman's possessions damaged
JOLIET — A woman's spurned "lover" broke into her Lois Place apartment and drenched all of her "personal items" with bleach and tomato sauce Sunday. The suspect, described by police as a 5-foot-6, 130-pound, 42-year-old black woman with short red hair, slipped into the Lois Place residence about 4:30 p.m. She proceeded to pour bleach and tomato sauce on about everything, police said, including a computer and television set. The suspect is the victimized woman's former "lover," police said.
"She recently broke off the relationship between the two, causing this reaction," police said.

I'm trying to figure out why she needed the bleach AND the tomato sauce. Wouldn't just one have been enough? Perhaps she didn't have enough tomato sauce to cover "about everything," and went for bleach for backup. Also, why is "lover" in quotations? It makes me think of those Saturday Night Live skits with Will Ferrell and Rachel Dratch as the "LOVAH's." I can hear it now: "My LOVAH covered my computer and other worldly belongings with a bottle of Prego after I spurned her from my bedroom. . ."

Also in the Blotter was an incident involving a scamming attempt made by a woman and a yellow-eyed man. The story is too long, to put up here, but who really has yellow eyes? I can only picture Michael Jackson in the Thriller video days.

I decided to get creative today and check out other Herald News affiliates to see if their police blotters were entertaining. Overall, I was unimpressed, but the News Sun had some good stuff. I enjoyed this highlight, which happened in Gurnee:

Inflatable pumpkin knifed:
Vandals knifed a 13-foot inflatable pumpkin tethered to a lawn in the 6000 block of Golfview Drive sometime during the night of Sept. 23. The resident woke to find the pumpkin deflated. Police noticed two, 12-inch slashes in the decoration. The pumpkin cost $65.

I think it would have been written up in a more amusing manner in the H-N (Slashing Pumpkins, anyone?), but it's still a funny one. I also enjoyed an incident in Zion where someone stole two bottles of vodka from the Piggly Wiggly, but mostly because I'm always amused by Piggly Wiggly.

In terms of Open Line, here's a lovely recent one:
One big small town
I've got a great idea that can save Will County taxpayers big money. Get rid of all these separate towns — Joliet, Crest Hill, Lockport, etc. Make all of Will County one city, and call it Podunk.
Joliet

If you're going to combine them all, I would like to call it " New JoFieldHillPortWoodCityTon," but I guess that's a bit long.

In closing, my brother recently found this video online that is the most amusing thing ever. Go to Launch and do a search for "Easy Breezy" or "Utada." I guarantee the lyrics will make you laugh. More news later!