Any Way You Want It

As usual, I have lots to talk about. First, some updates from the Herald News. . .

Day care worker reported

JOLIET — A far West Side woman alerted police to a worker at her daughter's day care allegedly pinching her nose Tuesday.
The 6-year-old girl suffered a scratch and redness from the purported pinching, police said. An evidence technician photographed the girl's nose and the Department of Children and Family Services was contacted, but declined to investigate the matter.
The girl reportedly told her mother that she was laying down in her bus seat when a "teacher" at her day care pinched her nose and told her to get up.
The child not require medical attention, police said.

Wow. What is this world coming to? PINCHING requires the police? I wonder if the redness the girl suffered was anything like that guy who had redness to the lip a few weeks back. Another question: why is the "purported pincher" referred to as a "teacher"? What distinguishes a "teacher" from a teacher? When wannabe educators head off to school, can they choose between a teaching certificate and a "teaching" certificate? I'm thinking teacher vs. "teacher" is similar to beef vs. "beef-not," the meat substitute they had in our dining halls in college. In other Herald News News. . .

Man beaten with bat in parking lot

JOLIET — A local man was beaten in a West Jefferson Street parking lot early Friday by a man wielding an aluminum baseball bat, police said.
The 26-year-old man was treated by fire department paramedics after the 1:50 a.m. attack in the parking lot outside Menards.
The man told police he was in the bar Heroes and Legends when his assailant grabbed him by the throat.
He reportedly knows his attacker and told police he and the other man are involved in an ongoing dispute over some "artwork" the 26-year-old was to have undertaken for the man he says beat him.
The man was not bludgeoned with the bat until after he left the bar, police said.

Considering that while I had fun at Heroes on Thursday, it was probably the least exciting night in terms of website stories ever, I guess most of the action was occurring outside the bar, though we did see the beginnings of a rumble earlier in the night while we were on the dance floor. I'm thinking that might have been the precursor to the "artwork" (again with the quotes! what was it, paint by number?) throwdown. If only they could have had a dance-off instead, I'd love to see the brawlers dancing out their anger to "Cameltoe." And in our final Herald News item o'the day, there was a raid on fake Gucci purses and watches in a West Side residence Thursday night. Now I have a fake Coach purse that I got in New York with "G's" instead of "C's," and I call it my "Goach" purse. What do you call a fake Gucci? Cucci? Hucci?

Ok, the weekend. Post-Heroes I went to the truck stop with Wens, Rob, and Mike. As I've mentioned before, I love this place. Why is it that I love the Truck Stop so? Is it the sign that never really says "Truck Stop, " instead reading "Uck Stop" or even "Uck Op?" Is it the kindly, yet tough waitresses that call you honey and touch the top of your head to get your attention? Probably not. Is it the black and white TV's at each table, that, with 25 cents, can bring you late night entertainment usually in the form of Shipmates or The Fifth Wheel? Is it the fact that I once actually started, rather than finished, my evening out at the Truckstop when I was taken there on a date? (It's even scarier before midnight, let me tell you), or is it the plethora of old video games like the Aerosmith shooting game? Nope, it's none of those things. It's the Potato Mountain. (note-it's best pronounced, Potato Mout-In, kind of like "Mart-in"). Now I'm sure I've mentioned the Mout-In before in passing, but let me give you a full description. It's a pile of artery clogging heaven: a big platter of fries with melted cheese and bacon bits, and a side of ranch dressing. It's a taste sensation, I'll tell you that much. I've never eaten any other fine cuisine at the Truck Stop, so I don't know if anything else compares, but mmmmm mmm mmm Potato Mout-In.

Friday night Courtney and I headed out to the mall to get our shop on, then met our moms and my brother for dinner at Red Lobster, for the seafood lover in you. Seafood lover sounds a little sketchy to me, but anyway. Red Lobster on a Friday night brings out many of Joliet's finest, including a large and in charge woman wearing a t-shirt that read "When God made me, he was just showing off." To quote Courtney: "I've never seen the word 'God' stretched across someone's chest before." Speaking of Red Lobster apparel, our waitress for the evening went by the name of Bunny. Now when my family used to frequent Red Lobster years ago, we were always entertained that they had a waitress named Bunny (we also used to change the words on the Fresh Fish board to read "Grilled Teamster," and, unsuccessfully, "Fried Shit"), so my mom and brother were amazed to see she was still hopping around the Lobster, though for some reason (seniority?) she had a different colored shirt than the rest of the employees. Bunny has made such an impression in the hearts and minds of our family that when my mom got home and asked my dad to guess who waited on us at Red Lobster, he answered, "Bunny?" After our fine meal, Courtney and I headed out to Ghetto 8 (Movies 8) to see "How to Deal." The movie was a bizarre mix of teen angst and every possible disaster/rite of passage known to man (death by heart attack, pregnancy, divorce, wedding, first kiss, broken engagement, pregnancy, birth), but was still very entertaining. Also cool: a trailer for Dirty Dancing 2!!!!! I just hope someone puts Baby in a corner this time, since she's like the wind and all.

Saturday: Jackhammers game. They lost. Shocker! This was the first game I've attended since the tragic trade of Hank "Nekkid Party" Thoms to Fargo, and it just wasn't the same. However, I consoled myself by eating my other current favorite food, the grilled chicken sandwich at Jack's Snacks. It's just incredible, a big chicken breast on a bun, grilled to perfection, and most likely the healthiest thing offered at the games. Not that I usually worry too much about eating healthy (note: Potato Mout-In), but it's good to know. After the game we headed over to McBrody's for a beer, where I had my first ever meeting with Whiskey Tango fans! A big shout out goes to Tim Placher and "Legal Larry" for chatting with me about the site, keep on reading! We then hung out at Megan's and called it a night.
Sunday's monsoon (I spent it watching reruns of "Battle of the Network Stars," that show is awesome!) made me wonder if the St. Joe's Picnic would still go on, but luckily the weather cleared up and Megan, Melanie and I enjoyed a night at "So Joliet It Hurts." The Michael Heaton Band performed and we had a good time dancing to Cheap Trick covers, especially when a random little girl joined our posse. I, of course had a smokie to get caught up in the "Slovenian flavor" of the evening. One of the funniest parts of the night was when Megan had me laughing so hard that I was doubled over, and as I was doubled over, someone threw their beer cup into a nearby garbage can, splashing me in the process. Also interesting was the table of books they were giving away. Melanie took a bunch of them for her piano students, and Megan and I took a look as well. We were entertained by a book called Willie's Whizzmobile, but not as much as a random guy who was looking over our shoulders. I found a children's book about rap music that was written in 1988 that I took home with me. There'll be more about the book and other "fun facts" in my upcoming News You Can Use entry that I'll probably be posting later today!