News You Can Use

Introducing a new feature to Whiskey Tango: News You Can Use. I also enjoy the title "Things That Make You Go Hmmm. . ", so take your pick. Every week I acquire some new pieces of knowledge that I didn't have before; for example, as previously mentioned, when God made the woman I saw at Red Lobster the other night, he was "Just Showing Off." Here are some other items of note, along with their sources.

1. Melanie: In his later life, Napoleon grew breasts, or as some might call them "man boobs."

2. Shannon: The capitalization for Jackhammers (as in the Joliet baseball team) is "JackHammers."

3. Rap, by Keith Elliot Greenberg: This is the book I picked up at the St. Joe's Picnic. It was published in 1988, and has many, many amusing fun facts. But don't just take my word for it, check these out:
a. A quote from Darryl McDaniels of Run-D.M.C. (RIP Jam Master Jay) about using celebrity to help education: "Little kids like to follow me around the neighborhood. I tell them to stay in school. Then I give them money to get something in the deli." Stay in school and eat a sandwich, homeboy!
b. Some Rap Vocabulary Lessons: Homeboy is a "friend from the neighborhood." I guess the old man next door is my "homeboy." Snapping is "to insult someone, usually in a joking way, as in, 'Stop snapping on me, homeboy.' " My personal favorite: wack means "stupid, as in 'Crack is wack.' "
c. Jam Master Jay (again, RIP) studied mortuary science at Queens College: "Everyone said rap was a fad. I knew death wasn't a fad, so I majored in mortuary science."
d. William "Refrigerator" Perry is an honorary Fat Boy.

4. My cousin Dave: Freeport High School's teams are known as the Freeport Pretzels.

5. Weber Road: Mr. H's closed and I didn't even notice! For all I know it's been closed as long as Goldblatts, which I think was open for 2 days.

6. Kelly: It is Pez's policy not to put real people on a Pez dispenser.

7. Wendy: Cats' tongues lap water upside down. Also, a cure for hiccups is to ask the hiccupper (sp?) when the last time they saw a robin was.

8. MTV: I could have made Ruben Studdard's "Flying Without Wings" video in Br. Sean's studio at JCA.