Flake

On the radio: the above by Jack Johnson. Jack Johnson, make a new album. You're hot, you're Hawaiian, and I liked your tunes.

Ok, I wasn't going to update until tomorrow, then I found the greatest website ever: Hollywood Is Calling. This website lists various "celebrities" that are available for the low, low price of $30 to make personalized birthday phone calls, and for $3, you can buy video greeting cards featuring the "stars." Among those "celebrities" available: Greg "The Guy Who Wasn't Paul Reiser on 'My Two Dads'" Evigan, Kato Kaelin, Tommy "Host of 'Cheaters' before Joey Greco" Grand, Todd Bridges, Lazer from the American Gladiators, several people from "Zoobilee Zoo," and the girl that played Nikki (the girlfriend that made Brandon Walsh dance) on "90210." However, all these shining stars pale in comparison to my personal favorite, Dennis Haskins, aka Mr. Belding on "Saved by the Bell." What I wouldn't give to hear the melodious tones of Dennis Haskins announcing into my phone, "Hey hey hey what is going on here? It's your birthday Emily!" My birthday is July 17, you all have plenty of time to order the best birthday present ever.

So, recent adventures. Christmas was fabulous as always, nothing too crazy to report but it was a good time. New Year's was also fun, I was up in Wisconsin with the family and enjoyed such adventures as snow tubing (this is amazing, it's like sledding with inner tubes and they even have a little ski lift thing), ice skating (for the first time since sophomore year at Inwood. Shannon, I only fell once!), and watching Spiderman 2 and freeze framing on Tobey Maguire's various constipated expressions. A quick digression: 99.9 loved me for a few minutes, playing "Faithfully" by Journey and "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake (which always makes me think of Frank the Tank and his not quite "street legal" car), then it ruins it all by playing "Lullaby" by Shawn Mullin. Mr. Mullin, whispering does not equal singing.

In bar news, a recent trip to Samy's brought a somewhat disturbing people watching experience. We saw a group of four enter the bar and assumed they were a family: mom, dad, brother, and (way too young for the bar looking) sister. The brother and sister were both clad in orange for a matching look. Like I said, we assumed they were a family until we saw them on the dance floor, where the "brother and sister" started grinding on each other, "mom" danced provocatively with the "sister," and "dad" busted out some dance moves that were a little more rhythmic than your average father. We also noticed that "mom" and "dad" seemed to be coaching people who were going up to the stripper poles to dance, and "dad" kept giving us lingering looks. Finally, Jennifer danced somewhat near "dad" and asked him if the group he was with was his family. Apparently "dad" was quite amused and said, "no." We left unable to ascertain what the relationship was between these four people, but definitely creeped out.

In Herald News news, I was amused to see that their Year In Review feature included some less hard-hitting events:

March 2: A woman claiming Joliet police played around with her sex toys during a raid on her home sues 14 officers and accuses them of conducting an unreasonable search and seizure.

March 24: A band of South American jewel thieves swarms into the parking lot of a West Side Wendy's and boosts $200,000 worth of precious stones from a traveling salesman's car while he dines inside.

I really don't know how I missed that one when it first ran. A band of South American jewel thieves? Doesn't that sound like a case worthy of Scooby Doo, or at least the Babysitters Club?

July 27: The Joliet Township High School Board considers banning the sale of Twinkies and Ho Hos and other snack foods in its cafeterias during the upcoming school year.


I wish the headline had been "Joliet Township Bans Hos." And in the blotter. . .

Drinker cut off
JOLIET — A Plainfield man told police he was cut off at a West Side bar before he was ready to head home last week.
The 35-year-old man filed a report with police in which he related that he and a friend were "drinking and having a pretty good time" around 1:30 a.m. Dec. 22 at the bar, in the 3000 block of Voyager Lane in Joliet.
The two men, apparently intent on continuing to enjoy themselves, ordered a pitcher of beer, police said.
At this point, an employee of the 3151 Voyager Lane bar appeared and told the men they had five minutes to finish said pitcher of beer.
The man reportedly told police that if he was aware he had but five minutes left for the evening, he would not have ordered this pitcher of beer. He also said he "didn't want to have any problems because (the employee) seemed to have a problem, so they left the establishment," according to a police report.

Samy's drama! Why did the police have to be involved? I'm glad they were having a "pretty good time" though.

Man threatened at health club
JOLIET — A local man complained to police that he was threatened by a man in a health club in front of his "work-out buddies" Wednesday morning.
The 42-year-old man flagged down a patrol officer on Campus Drive about 6 a.m. and relayed his tale of woe, police said.
The man told police he was lifting weights at the nearby Gold's Gym when his friend "Greg" threatened to hurt him in the hallway in front of all their workout buddies, according to a police report.
The man reportedly asked his friend "Greg" what was wrong and "Greg" threatened to kill him if he did not leave him alone, police said.

I love "work-out buddies." Do they do pilates together, or simply spot each other when lifting?

Conflict over paycheck
JOLIET — Apparently upset over his holiday pay, a man erupted in anger and pushed another employee Thursday.
The 23-year-old worker at Arnold Logistics, 251 E. Laraway Road, explained to police that a co-worker began yelling and spitting in his face. The victim was then pushed, grabbed by the wrist and was pushed by the co-worker's belly, police said.
The incident reportedly occurred because of a misunderstanding about holiday and overtime pay.

I would love to see how the belly pushing occurred. Did the belly have a mind of its own?

Ok, that's it for now, more news later!