Right Now

On the radio (a whoa oh oh oh, on the radio. . .)=the aforementioned song by Van Halen (Hagar). Do you think they've perfected that new tomato yet?

Yes, I am updating. I am done with school till January, hurray. It's been an interesting couple weeks. Thursday before last, Angie and I went to Samy's for a bit. Most amusing fashion icon of the evening: a girl wearing a side ponytail, pants tucked into her boots, and a shirt with a very interesting slogan. Since I don't want to offend, just look at the first letter of each word in the phrase C U Next Tuesday and take it from there. In the world of local celebrities, America's Next top Model Adrianne Curry was spotted after I left, and sources say she was working it on the poles. According to commercials for the upcoming season of The Surreal Life on VH1, she also makes out with Christopher "Peter Brady" Knight, and I don't know what to say about that, except that in the words of the Brady 7, "When it's time to change, then it's time to CHANGE!"

Saturday before last Shannon and I headed to Sapphire for an evening of martinis and mockery. We were served well in both respects, except in the case of the French martini, which is not recommended. Among those in attendance were a man who wore his sunglasses at night, attempting a young Magnum PI look, a guy who may or may not have attempted to bite my butt on the dance floor (I escaped quickly), and the DJ, a man who I believe was named "Gee" who seamlessly inserted his name into the songs being played. An example would be R. Kelly's "Hotel," in which Gee improvised, "If you wanna come to Gee's hotel. . " All in all quite an entertaining night.

Last Thursday Courtney and I went to see Napoleon Dynamite. This movie, about a geeky high school student, was hilarious. I really don't want to say too much about it, but they make ingenious use of tater tots. Three and a half stars.

The theme of last weekend would have to be, "If it's fun, it's in downtown Joliet." Thank you, Joliet Chamber of Commerce for that imaginative slogan. Now get rid of those scary angels that line the streets of downtown J-town, they give me the heebie jeebies. Friday evening Melanie and I stopped at Eo Vannus for a little bit and enjoyed some martinis (Melanie had a cucumber martini. Personally, I'm holding out for rutabaga). After that we went over to McBrody's. We were surprised to see there was a cover, but quickly learned that they had a band playing outside. I don't remember the name of the band, but apparently there were some Joliet cops in the band and they played "Living on a Prayer," which was good enough for me. We ran into old buddy OJ and enjoyed some butter cookies. I really like McBrody's, I think of it as a "forgotten gem" since I don't go there too much. I just wish it was a bit closer to Eo Vannus, Crabigale's and Sapphire to allow for one stop parking. Note: I still have not been to the Carnival Food Stand, but I've noticed lately that it's open at odd times of the night, say 1 am, perhaps to satisfy late night funnel cake cravings.

Saturday evening I made another trip to Silver Cinemas, this time to see Garden State with Shannon. I really liked this movie up to a point, I just wasn't a fan of the ending. The soundtrack is great though, and props to Zach Braff. He was the same major as me at Northwestern, and if I was a year older, I might have had him as a teaching assistant. I'll give it three stars. After enjoying some soup at Panera (I had Fiesta con Queso, which translates to "Party With Cheese." Hmmm.), we headed downtown yet again, this time to go to Crabigale's. Crabigale's was a lot of fun, not too crowded but very entertaining. The first comedian was not too fabulous, he seemed like something off a cruise ship or, to use Joe's latest lingo for celebrity lookalikes, a Chapter 11 Bob Saget. You know I love the Saget, but no cheap imitations please. The second guy was fabulous, I wish I could remember his name but he had a kind of Whiskey Tango look to him that endeared me immediately. The headliner for the night, Alex Ortiz was also very good and did an amazing impression of the Cowardly Lion. Both the second guy and Ortiz did a great job of heckling the audience, including comments about Coal City and some ridicule of a very drunk and obnoxious audience member and his increasingly embarrassed looking wife. It was a fun time, the only downside being a less than adept waitress who Shannon wrote about on her site.

In Herald News news, we've had a couple blotters lately of note:

Man arrested on charge of falsifying prescription

JOLIET — A Wilmington man tried scoring some hillbilly heroin from a West Side pharmacy Thursday.
Michael Murphy, 27, of 138 First St. was booked into the county jail on a charge of forgery in connection with the 2:30 p.m. incident at Basinger's Marycrest Pharmacy.
Murphy went into the 2130 W. Jefferson St. pharmacy and presented a prescription for 60 40-milligram pills of the painkiller OxyContin, a narcotic drug approved for the treatment of moderate to severe pain, police said.
The prescription was made out to one "Brigette Perry" and was from a "Dr. James Thomas" in Kankakee, police said.
A Basinger's employee called in to Thomas and found the prescription was not valid, police said. The employee then called the law and officers arrested Murphy

Now is OxyContin known as "hillbilly heroin," or is that just yet another Wilmington crack? I consulted the always reliable Urban Dictionary and found this definition:

Term erroneously applied to oxycontin or other pain medications which are misused by certain individuals who use bad judgement thinking they will get 'high' from a medicine by misusing it against labeling instructions and better judgement instead causing death.

Hillbilly heroin: not just a Wilmington joke. Amusingly, Friday's Police Blotter featured a man from Wilmington who was arrested for possession of, you guessed it, heroin. Not the hillbilly kind either.

Would-be thieves take wild ride in van

JOLIET — A woman thwarted two men trying to steal her minivan by frightening them and setting them on a wild ride into a nearby sandbox, police said.
The 26-year-old woman said she left her van running and unlocked outside her apartment building at 311 N. Bluff St. about 9 p.m. Wednesday to let the vehicle warm up while she went to get her children.
When the woman went back outside, she saw two men in her van and the vehicle pulling away.
The woman shouted at the men to get out of her blue 1992 Chevrolet Astro van, police said, and when she did, the men lost control of the vehicle and "ended up in a sandbox between the parking lot and the river."The men then ditched the van and ran east over the Cass Street bridge.

The van ended up in a sandbox down by the river. What would Matt Foley say?

In radio news, 99.9 continues to both annoy me and make me very happy. Annoyance= TWO SONGS by Steely Dan today. Happiness=Thinking I'm hearing the opening of Franz Ferdinand's "Take Me Out" on Q101, being disappointed when I realize it's a different song, then turning on 99.9 to hear "Take Me Out." I'll close with a joke I heard at church this weekend:

Jesus is walking through town and realizes He needs a new robe. He happens upon Mr. Finkleman's shop and goes inside. Mr. Finkleman sells him a robe and asks Jesus if He will plug his shop in His sermons. Jesus agrees. Time passes and Jesus is walking through town again. There's a big crowd outside Mr. Finkleman's shop, and Jesus goes inside. Mr. Finkleman tells Him that the shop is doing great since Jesus started endorsing it in His sermons, and asks Jesus about going into a partnership. Jesus agrees, and they begin talking about what the name of the shop should be. Mr. Finkleman doesn't like Jesus & Finkleman, and the debate becomes spirited. The name they end up with? Lord & Taylor.
Ok, I believe that's it for now, more news as it happens.