The Boys of Summer

So much to tell!!

Note #1: If you click on the little sitemeter icon on the bottom of my page, you can find out how people got to my website. I have a new favorite search that led to my page : Joliet whore pictures .

Note #2: I saw a hilarious video for a new song by teen female rap group Fannypack. The song? Cameltoe. The lyrics explain it all.

Ok, back to my week. Last Wednesday I headed to Harrah's in downtown Joliet for my final round of Wheel of Fortune auditions. My fellow game show hopefuls were a cross-section of suburban Chicago; my personal favorite was a mullet who went for bald in front, party in the back, and wore a lovely camouflage tee with embroidered letters reading something about imaginary friends. I wish I had thought to write the exact words down with my "I tried out for Wheel of Fortune" pencil, but unfortunately the only paper I had was my application. Speaking of the application, I knew I was in trouble when I saw questions including "Who's your favorite country music band?" (I decided the Dixie Chicks might be too subversive a choice) and "Do you like Nascar? Who's your favorite racer?" I should have put down Speedracer. He's a demon on wheels, you know. Anyway, the only familiar face I saw was a bartender from Samba Room in Naperville, notable because he participated in last year's impromptu version of the Samba Room dating game (Question: "If you could be any flavor of ice cream, what would you be?" Answer: "Neapolitan, because the vanilla is sweet, the chocolate is taboo, and the strawberry makes every woman want to lose their cherry." No, I don't get it either.) We started by watching an "exciting" video montage of Vanna and Pat gettin' their wheel on (set to chartbusting hits like Marky Mark's "Good Vibrations") and then lapsed into some rounds of the Wheel. Nothing really entertaining happened after that, except that I won a size XL Wheel of Fortune long-sleeved tee and a totebag, and other winners received exciting prizes like autographed pictures of Vanna. Sadly, there were no pics of Pat available. I don't think I had quite the level of excitement (or psychosis) required to make it on to the next round, but it was a good time, and I plan on trying out for more game shows (is Supermarket Sweep still on?) in the future.

Thursday night Megan, Nancy and I headed to Samy's for 50-cent beers and 50-cent tunes. Alas, it kind of sucked; the only entertaining moment was when a random guy came up behind me on the dance floor, took off his belt, and pretended to spank me with it. At that point we decided to head to Heroes, while stopping at Thorntons for gas and Tootsie Pops. We met up with Ryan and Melanie at Heroes, which was infinitely better, as I heard my new candidate for the Best Line Ever.

We'll start with a countdown of the other best lines (in no particular order):
5: (to Megan, by a patient): "You're a leftie! I've never dated a leftie before."
4: (to Shannon, by the Lone Wolf): "You're so f*ckin' beautiful. Would you like to go out for a meal?"
3: (to Melanie, by Naperville guy on Friday): "My friend's an artist, and he likes your shirt. Will you go talk to him?"
2: (to Nancy, by a Heroes patron): "You have a unique style! What's your nationality?"

And now we come to my favorite line. I was walking to the bar with the girls when a burly guy called me over to his group of lads. We start chatting and I notice he has an accent and I ask where he's from. He tells me he's from Mississippi, and that one of his friends is from Florida. I ask why they're here, and he says that they're Jackhammers. At some point at this exchange he comments on my Tootsie pop, asks me if I'm "rollin'" and makes a lewd reference to the idea of him taking the place of my Tootsie pop. I thought about going Tootsie Roll Owl on his ass, but I continued smiling and being polite; this was damn amusing. Finally we exchanged names, and this is where it gets good. Mr. Jackhammer says, "I'm Hank, this is my nekkid partner Brent, and we're gonna have a nekkid party with you!" I honestly don't recall how the conversation ended, but I was holding back tears of laughter by the time I got over to the girls. Later on Hank made some other comments to me about getting "nekkid" that I don't feel like putting on a "family" website (yeah, at this point it really isn't a family website, but I have my limits), but those were the highlights. Odd note: in Saturday's Herald News there was a full page article about Hank in which he commented about how much he liked Joliet and its friendly people.

Friday night found Melanie and I on our first summer evening outing to the bars of Naperville. The evening ended up being "Blast from the Past Night;" we ran into some random guys that Melissa, Jake, Shannon and I met last winter; miraculously I remembered their names (Dave and Joe, I think). At Features I was surprised to see Grrrreg (named this because he once growled at me), the guy I met last New Years Eve at Payton's Roundhouse. We also ran into the most notorious of Naperville locals: the male strippers we met last summer. I was quite amused that as we were leaving the bars for the evening, a male voice yelled out, "Nice seeing you again!" Not recognizing who it came from, I blankly replied, "You too!" As I walked away, I realized it was the bespectacled male stripper that reminded me of my ex-boyfriend and once tried to tempt Melanie with promises of sushi. Argh!!

Saturday Melanie stopped by St. Joe's Park for St. Paul's parish picnic and lost at Bingo, ate some smokies, and hid from the woman who thinks my name is "Sarah." We then met up with Megan, Eric and Kelly at the Jackhammers game. Unfortunately the team lost to the "Saltdogs" (what is a Saltdog? I know not.) but we enjoyed ourselves, especially singing along to the songs played when various Jackhammers went up to bat (the "Spongebob Squarepants" tune and "Hangin' Tough" were favorites). Hank's Floridian friend Brent pitched the game, but Hank did not see any action. It seems that the players on the Saltdogs might really "play for the other team," if you know what I mean, as most of their players signature tunes were disco or boy band. Another interesting newsbit: Heroes' flashlight lovin' former bouncer has been found, and he now works security at Silver Cross Field!! The personal highlight of the game for me was when my hairdresser caught a foul ball: yay Julie!

After the game we met up with Nancy, Courtney, and Rob at McBrody's, the new downtown Joliet bar. It's a very cute place, and while I wasn't a huge fan of their chips and dip, it has a fun atmosphere, great location, and an outdoor beer garden. We were treated to a surprise visit from our old pal "O.J." and enjoyed of all things, an Amy Grant singalong.

Father's Day was an exciting occasion; we celebrated my cousin's engagement with champagne toasts involving taking swigs from multiple champagne bottles passed around the yard and shots of Courvoisier. Other than that there's nothing new to report, my dad informed me of a column in the Herald News the other day about the possibility of a Joliet Hooters, so I'll have to check that out and put a review up soon.