Breakdancers, Bedrocks, Bugs & Boobs

Overheard at Hooters last night: "It smells fishy around here"-one of the waitresses behind the counter to another waitress.

While the police blotter contained little of merit today, the "Your Life" section of the Herald News contained an interesting article entitled "Sidewalk Show". Apparently when the Joliet Jackhammers' season begins, the streets of downtown Joliet will be blessed with the presence of various street performers. Melanie, I think this sounds like an opportunity for your brother to hit it big, maybe with a solo glow stick act. Anyway, one of the performing groups is the B Boys Break Dancers, a local group of poplocking teens that includes Mike Medina, 18, who states, "I got a nickname--Plastic Man. I'm pretty flexible."

There was also an ad in today's paper for Shorewood "night club" Bedrocks. B96 DJ Julian "Jumpin' Perez" will be appearing at midnight tomorrow night, and the ad warns, "Come and get your seat early." There are two problems with that sentence: first, it implies that seats are hard to come by at Bedrocks. This is not the case. People may be hard to come by, but not seats. Second, who sits and listens to a DJ? I had a brief run-in with "Jumpin' " a couple years back at the B96 Bash, when Wendy, my sister, and I were trying to find wristbands to get into our section. I asked a man who looked large and in charge if he had any, but he laughed at me as if he found it hilarious that I thought he was the wristband guy. Later on during the concert, some DJ's took the stage, and sure enough, Mr "No Wristbands" was Mr. Perez himself. Ah, the irony that this cocky man is now headlining gigs at the crappy bar near the Shorewood library. However we should all heed the quote posted on his B96 bio page: the bug eyed Virgo states, ""If you're hungry, don't pick a fight with the cook." Another highlight: "Q:'What is your nickname?' A: 'Jumpin'."

Bug alert: The Texas Roadhouse (steakhouse by the mall, for the uninformed) has been confirmed by three sources (three=true) to have infestation issues. Joe's sister, Tim's family, and our plumber all have spotted insects in this no longer so fine dining establishment. Danger!

Luckily there were no bugs, just buffalo wings on the menu when Joe and I dined at Hooters in Aurora last night. I'm a big enough fan of wings to not let the lack of other female patrons deter me from eating there, except for the time that Melanie and I were the only all female table and called her brother for backup. Last night our waitress's name was Fatima, which Joe and I found way more funny that we should have, especially when we got our bill, which read, "You have been served by Fatima." It just sounded like something from a brothel or "massage parlor," but not the massage parlor in my neighborhood of course. Everytime that Fatima would ask me if I needed anything, I replied, "No, I'm good, " to which she asked, "You're good?" I was confused, but I let it go. More troubling was the sight of another waitress, who we'll call "Tori." "Tori" was apparently not familiar with the concepts of self tanner or matching pantyhose to skin tone, and instead enhanced the color of her legs by wearing pantyhose so dark that they made her look like a white woman with African-American legs. It was as if someone took the legs off a Christie doll and stuck them on a Barbie, and quite a sight to behold. I left Hooters with one question on my mind: what would happen if they opened a Hooters in J-town? The answer: a much longer Herald News police blotter. I can just imagine the story:

JOLIET--A local wings fan found himself not in hot sauce but in hot water with the police when he tried to help himself to the "Hooters" on display at a local restaurant. . .