It's Been a While. . .

Hey everyone, sorry it's been so long since I updated. I've been busy, but the amount of whiskey tango I've seen lately has been almost overwhelming. Let's discuss, shall we?

Tuesday the 11: Went out to Senor Tequila's with Shannon, Amy, aka "Lola," and Amy's boyfriend Tony. No, the child with the holster was not there, and the children's menu offers "puddin," but we still had a good time, though we never did try the "Vampiro." After that we took a trip over to Alfa's II (not to be confused with Alfa's I). Now, you probably thought I wouldn't go there again, after the fear I experienced last time I went there, but I had to see if it was as disturbing as last week. Yes, it was. There's just something about bars with carpet. I don't recall anything too exciting happening there, except for some kind of "chick fight" that I didn't get too good of a look at. Oh well.


Wednesday the 12: I honestly can't remember anything I did that day. Oh yes, I believe I watched "American Idol" with the fam. Quality, quality show, there was this apparently stoned guy singing "Silent Night" that was hilarious.


Thursday the 13th: Heroes as usual. The summer weather brought out many of our old favorites, including Legal Larry and Smilin' Scott, for whom it was still the "same shit, different day." Unfortunately, chat room enthusiast Brian did not accompany the Scottster. The ass trilogy was played in full, and Chuckie seemed to be in some sort of singing and smacking frenzy. We had some encounters with dancing men who truly put the sketch in Skechers, including one who grabbed my thighs from behind, causing me to scream and luckily scare him off. Nancy and Wens had some encounters with a tiny Asian, and perhaps elderly man who seemed to like their moves, until what looked to be his caretaker took him away.


Friday the 14th: Friday night was my neighbor Maggie's dance recital at West. Melanie and I went over with her family, and it was quite an evening. For some reason, the head honcho thought it would be a good idea to have the theme of the night be "Forrest Gump," apparently she's living in 1994, I don't know. Thus, we were treated to "acting" between numbers, with such classic lines as "Dancers wear all kinds of shoo-oes," and "Me and Jenny got marr-ayed" (No you did-int, she died of AIDS!). The dancing itself was quite good though, especially Maggie's routine to "Dancing With Myself," though sitting there from 6:30 to almost 10:30 was a little hard to handle. After that we met up with Sally and Ryan and got some eats at Aurelio's, then went over to Prime to meet up with Melanie's parents. As Prime is one of the "classier" Joliet establishments, I only spotted one mullet. The band performing I believe was called "Nojo," (not Mojo or Flojo, or even Flowbee) and one of the songs they performed was that Alicia Keys song "A Woman's Worth." Now the singer was quite good (and later did an excellent performance of the Lil Kim rap from Lady Marmalade), but somehow a white woman singing Alicia Keys just ended up sounding like Ana Gasteyer on SNL when she and Will Ferrell play the singing music teachers.

Saturday: After a trip to the mall where many a patchwork wearer was sighted, Melanie and I headed down to the Bicentennial Park to check out their car show. The trash was everywhere, including a guy wearing a shirt that said, "Start your f*ckin' engines," (sorry, this could be a family website), many tails, and more Calvin pissing stickers than I've ever seen in my life. The highlight of the event was, judging from the crowd, a "Professional Burnout Competition." Only in Joliet do people cheer on people burning out their tires. And what about the amateur burnouts? Where do they compete? There also was some weird looking ride that I originally thought was a Port-a-Potty, but then it started moving. We headed out to Naperville for a fairly uneventful night. The only amusing things were a man who thought Melanie was Spanish (perhaps she has a "unique style") and a moment when I walked past a man who looked at me (I was wearing a pink shirt) and said, "Pink!" I said, "Yeah!"

I'll update a little later with the rest of the week's stories.