Automobiles, Alfa's, and Sammy Hagar

I forgot to mention another interesting detail from Saturday night in Naperville involving adventures on the way there. First, we were driving down Jefferson (in Melanie's car, Nicky the Farting Neon) next to a car with a pretty attractive guy in the passenger seat. Alas, the driver looked like the white version of Biggie Smalls, but the passenger was cute. He looked over and smiled a few times, then asked where we were going. We told him Naperville, and he seemed to be confused about the existence of such a town. He said that he and his driver were headed to the movies. Alas, the flow of traffic necessitated that we speed up, so the car with the attractive lad was a few lengths behind us. As we were turning to get on the highway, cute guy pulled up next to us again and angrily said, "Why'd you speed up?" This may have been accompanied by "Yo," but I'm not positive This display of ignorance was accentuated by hand gestures straight out of a Busta Rhymes video. Speaking of "Woo-hah!," we saw a license plate on the way to Naperville that read, "Hooah." Of course we had a lot of fun screaming that one out, but I don't believe the car was occupied by Al Pacino and/or Chris O'Donnell.

Last night I headed out to Garnsey with Melanie and Ryan. Though I had been informed that Garnsey wasn't the happening Tuesday night spot (who could go wrong with 50-cent draft?) that it used to be, we figured that there'd still be somewhat of a crowd, especially considering that it's summer. However, when we got to the parking lot there were very few cars in sight. Ryan decided to head home, and Melanie and I headed over to Alfa's, as I remembered hearing that people went there on Tuesdays. We arrived to a crowded parking lot, and when we saw local bar legend "Kermit" hanging out near the bouncers, as she is apt to do at most bars, we knew that this must be the new "hot spot." We saw many familiar faces, but something about that place was just offputting. Perhaps it was the fact that I saw more ponytails on males than females, I don't know. I just couldn't put it into words. A stop in the bathroom, where one woman talked about her male friend (or lover) Cookie, and another sink appeared to be decorated with the remnant of someone's weave, was especially disturbing. While having a discussion with our drunken acquaintance (and friend of midget car racer Sean) "Hornet," I realized one of the main things that bothered me about Alfa's: they had carpet. I just don't like carpet in bars, it doesn't set the right tone, and it seems unsanitary and impractical, considering how often people spill. I decided to rename the bar "Barpet." After a bartender's sad but brave attempt to make me a Tom Collins ("You want anything in it besides gin and tonic?"), we headed home.

Reader Courtney of Plainfield hit the Whiskey Tango jackpot at Saturday's Sammy Hagar/David Lee Roth concert. First, she spotted a limo driven by a mulleted man heading out to the concert, obviously a good omen for the day's events. As she and her boyfriend checked out the arts and crafts booths before the concert, she heard one man say to his female companions, "I'll buy you anything as long as it's crotchless." She also saw a handwritten sign by the booths that read, "Stealing from single mothers is wrong." I'm not exactly sure how this applied to the concert, maybe single moms ran all the booths, but it is true. However, I don't think it's a good idea to steal from married moms, either. Courtney also commented that Sammy's performance of "Pound Cake" was accompanied by what appeared to be Girls Gone Wild videos. Overall, she said it was a fun experience, and I'm sure that we'll all be taking a trip down to Cabo to party with Sammy in the near future. I'm hoping that reader Kelly of Plainfield (what is it with Plainfield girls and hair band concerts?) will give us a report on her trip to the Poison concert in a few weeks, I have a feeling that there'll be an interesting crowd there.

Finally, today's Herald News Our Town section confused for a few reasons. First, how does Lockport high school have 14 valedictorians, and six salutatorians? I know they have a couple campuses, but how does that work? Also, the article about the local concert season, written by Minooka sophomore Alison Syring, has a headline of "Summer Concert Splash: i need a dek here and here. thanks." What does that mean? Is it some kind of editing command that accidentally made it into the paper? Any and all Medildos, please feel free to let me know! Tanya update: no news yet, I'm still waiting. Tanya? Tanya can you hear me?