Friday, May 10, 2002

This week at Heroes. . .


Nothing new from the Herald today, except that I was mistaken-Julian Jumpin' Perez's show at Bedrocks isn't until next weekend. You have another week to claim your seats!


Another Thursday night at Heroes, but this week a new and exciting twist was added to the usual fun. Usually the ID check at Heroes is pretty lenient, and if you go there often, you don't need to show your ID. However, recent developments (barroom brawls, according to Shannon Murphy's friend) have forced the hardworking Heroes staff to crack down. They now have a little scanner that they swipe ID's through to check authenticity. Here's where it gets exciting: when they swipe the ID's, the images are projected on one of the TV's in the bar. Naturally my friends and I staked out a spot near the "ID TV" so we could get the full effect, and learned way more than we needed to about our fellow bar goers (natural hair colors, last names, etc.), and checked out who was coming and going. It seems a little cruel to project people's weights on a tv for everyone to see, but I guess they have to crack down.


The matching hoochies were not out tonight, however another pair of similarily dressed girls made up for it. I personally have always taken the term underwear literally to mean "underneath your clothes" (by the way, there was a girl with bigass Shakira hair), but these girls seem to have taken it to mean "under where?" Put those rhinestone thongs away, girls, before someone gets hurt! I also noticed some people, including a miniature Nick Stahl lookalike, participating in what I like to call a "Humpin' Train." Basically this consists of a few people, usually girl/guy/girl or guy/girl/guy, getting in a line and grindingon each other. This is something I try to stay away from, especially after a trip to Zero Gravity with Melissa and Jennifer a few years back, in which after one guy started dancing behind Jen, another started dancing behind me and instructed me to get behind Jen's partner by saying in a scary, possessed sounding voice, "Get behind him!"


The ass trilogy was back in effect, this week adding "Rump Shaker" to the mix. Chuckie the bootie lovin' bouncer did an admirable job puttin' the smack down, so to speak, but could not participate in his flashlight antics due to dead batteries. I also spotted a couple of cowboys, but could not get up the nerve to get them to do the Boot Scootin' Boogie. Reader Kelly from Plainfield has told me that she observed some interesting bathroom antics last night (possibly of the two girls, one stall variety), so those should be up shortly.


In other news, Melanie, my mom and I witnessed quite the spectacle on Channel 6 (public access) last night. It was some kind of African American beauty pageant, and while I at first thought it was the recent "Little Miss Black Joliet" pageant, we quickly realized that these girls were a bit older. We were lucky enough to catch the sportswear/casual wear portion of the pageant, but the outfits seemed more appropriate for the stage of Crazy Rock, or perhaps Miss Camille's (fine, it's a "variety club," not a strip club, but the name sure sounds adult oriented). One girl was dressed in a Superwoman costume with her booty hanging out, another wore a dress that was supposed to be a million dollar bill and strutted around to "It's All About the Benjamins," and another wearing a tropical outfit danced to "It Wasn't Me" while a guy laid underneath her on the floor. There was also a Missy Elliot-esque girl dressed as a pimp. I have no idea what this pageant was rewarding, but unfortunately Joliet's hat-loving answer to Oprah, Diana Stonitsch, was not on the scene. I'm sure it'll be airing all weekend, so be sure to check it out.


Finally, does anyone have a favorite Whiskey Tango bumper sticker? Let me know and I'll make a list. My personal favorite, seen on Glenwood a couple months ago, is (and yes, this is how it's punctuated): "Move Over! Kid's Gotta Pee!"

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