News You Can Use

And welcome to the second edition of News You Can Use. Don't you feel smarter already?

1. www.sybaris.com: Sybaris does not have telephones in their suites so that your stay is free of distractions. Also, if, you stop by any Sybaris location, any day of the week from 1-5 pm and take a tour of their romantic suites, you will receive a free t-shirt and special discounts!

2.Alfa's: People still use the expression, "Ain't no thing like a chicken wing." West Side Chopper shirts are in vogue. Having a promiscuous mother is apparently something to toast over, as we heard the following: "Our mom's a slut! Clink!"

3.Guy at Grapevine: Contrary to popular belief, girls should not wear black pants because they "make your ass disappear." The fashionable male even pointed out an example of this faux pas. In other Grapevine news: "Guts, cuts, or butts, no one rides for free."

4. Herald News: Sorry, I had to stick a little Blotter in: "The owner of a far West Side McDonald's showed up to his job of serving billions and billions Monday morning and found hundreds and hundreds gone." The thief wouldn't dare steal any McGriddles, they just sound so nasty! Has anyone dared to try one? Please let me know, we can post a review.
5.J & D Gyros: There is such a thing as mulberry flavored ice cream. That sounds more like a candle scent to me, and I know some candles smell really good, but that doesn't mean we should eat them.

Ok, I gots to go, more news later!