News You Can Use

1. Rolling Stone: 50 Cent's shot wounds helped his sound. So I was looking through old magazines and I found a March Rolling Stone with 50 Cent on the cover. As I hadn't known too much of Fitty when the article came out, I had only skimmed it when I bought it, so I read the article the other night. It's an illuminating look at this gangsta rapper, and I was amazed by what I learned about the aftermath of the incident in which Fitty was shot nine times at close range: "But more important for an MC, there was now a large, squarish hole through the left side of his lower jaw and a piece of bullet left in his tongue. He'd lost a bottom tooth and a U-shaped chunk of his gums, but his lazy tongue and the hole in his jaw gave him a slur like no one in hip-hop. 'There's a different sound now when I talk, 'cause of the air around the tooth,'50 says. 'Gettin' shot just totally fixed my instrument.' "

2. Melanie: The origins of the word cocktail may be more obvious than we think. One possible explanation for how the cocktail got its name stems from around the time of the Revolutionary War. Apparently a woman who owned an inn near Yorktown (Virginia, not the Yorktown Mall, haha) killed her neighbor's chickens and served their tails in the drinks, quite literally "cocks' tails." However, there are other theories, check this out for more info.

3. Megan: Skate West is hosting pro-wrestling. The blessed event will occur on September 27th. Wrestlers include Chandler McClure (not the most threatening name), XXXPlicit Content, and Stumpy. I always figured there was wrestling at Skate West, but I never knew it was of a legal or professional nature. I figured it was always more of a "scuffle." Though I've never been to Skate West, it can't be scarier than the Rainbow Roller Rink in Chicago, where we celebrated my friend Julie's 20th birthday a few years ago. We'd be on the floor and suddenly the place would clear except for my friends and I. After this happened a couple times we realized it was because people were having rumbles near the concession stand. Anyway, even funnier than the notion of wrestling matches at Skate West is the fact that they had them at Knights of Columbus last month.

4. Saved by the Bell DVDs Seasons 1 and 2: SBTB was even more dated than I remember. Highlights: mullets everywhere, Slater and Kelly entering a dance contest as the "Spandex Twins," which featured Slater in biker shorts, cowboy boots a plenty, the Zack Morris cell phone (always a favorite, but I'd forgotten just how huge it was, it looked like they took a cordless phone and used it as a cell), and my personal favorite, Kelly and Lisa's celebrity crushes. Kelly: Dennis Quaid. Lisa: Michael Jackson.

5. Blotter: September is "Bad Things Happen to Beer Drinkers Month" in Joliet, if items from yesterday and today's Herald News are any indication:

Man beaten after keeping his boots
JOLIET — A man drinking beer Tuesday on Eastern Avenue was beaten and robbed by a crook who took a fancy to his boots, according to police.
The 23-year-old victim suffered lacerations and bumps to his head in the 2:20 a.m. attack. He was treated for his injuries at Silver Cross Hospital.
The man who was beaten and another man were drinking beer on Eastern near Benton Street when two women walked up and asked to drink with them, police said.
While the four were drinking, a third man walked up, said he wanted the the 23-year-old's boots and attempted to remove them, police said.
The boot-lover apparently brandished a handgun and beat the 23-year-old. He also stole his wallet, according to police reports.

Beer tossed on woman
JOLIET — A local woman was doused with beer Tuesday, but emerged from the attack uninjured, though apparently damp.
The woman told police a 35-year-old man threw beer in her face about 12:30 p.m. Tuesday. She was in her Union Street home when the beverage was tossed on her, police said.
The woman said officers were called, but would not make a police report, according to a police report.

Let me get this straight: There was a police report that detailed how the woman would not make a police report? Anyway, I think this might be a good month to switch to Smirnoff Ice.