The Marquette County Tribune: Tales from the Mundane Side

Wisconsin continues to be entertaining. I had my first Swolley Sighting today at a local restaurant called the Goose Blind. The Goose Blind looks to be the Heroes and Legends of the area, they have a DJ "upstairs" on Fridays and Saturdays, but alas I won't be around to check it out. Other sightings at the Goose Blind included Joey Buttafuoco, a girl wearing thigh high fishnets, a sideways black baseball cap, a shirt with the British flag on it, and other items purchased from the back of Wet Seal, and a father who told his daughter to "back off" when she hugged him. Lovely stuff. When I drove by the local strip club, The Fox's Tail, the electronic sign outside read, "ATM on Premises." While I'm sure that it's convenient to have a place to get extra cash when all your dollars have been stuffed in "Diamond"'s G-string, I didn't think that would be the feature of a strip club that you'd advertise.
In other news, I got a copy of our local paper, "The Marquette County Tribune," today. Though I couldn't find a police blotter, as this tends to be a pretty crime-free area, the "M.C. Trib" did not fail to disappoint. One of the front page headlines is "Brat Fry & Dance on Friday night for Historic Preservation Society." While I know they're speaking of bratwurst, I couldn't help but picture some obnoxious children being lowered into a giant fryer. Page 4 features a picture of a girl in a prom dress standing next to a cow belonging to her fiancee's family, which apparently won 10th place at the "Wisconsin Holstein Futurity" at the Wisconsin State Fair. Page 5 has what is evidently a regular feature, titled "Recollections of Things I Forgot to Remember!" and detailing the rich history of Marquette County. Other highlights include pictures from the "Dude Looks Like a Lady" contest at the Relay for Life Event, and the columns, "News From Joanie's Home for the Happy Senior" and "News From the Montello Care Center." The latter two basically consist of who visited who at the two retirement facilities, including, "Flora Krueger's visitors were Irene Weir, Marlie Salzwedel, Barb Weckwerth, Valerie Pepin and Jelaine Koch. Valerie Pepin, Jelaine Koch and Barb Weckwerth also visited Pat Hughlet." Apparently Valerie Pepin, Jelaine Koch, and Barb Weckwerth get around. I'm thinking it's almost impossible for senior citizens living at either facility to have any kind of affairs because any kind of visits, conjugal or otherwise, are always listed in the paper. The "M.C. Trib" theme of TMI continues in the "Harrisville News" column. Apparently Ken Braker had a pacemaker put in a couple weeks ago, and columnist Arita Lentz wants her readers to send Ken their best wishes: "Ken came home on Thursday, August 7th. He is doing real good now. Good to hear this, Ken. Take care. Do send him a card, It (yes, she capitalized "It") sure feels good to receive a card." She continues to give Ken's address, along with that of Eleanor Thalacker, who fell in her home recently. Man, Arita, let Ken and Eleanor have some privacy! Much of the column, which takes up an entire half page of the paper, consists of things that Arita did during the week, including grocery shopping. I also think that Arita might have gotten drunk during the week; when talking about people who came to her house on August 8th, she says, "Mildred Frank stopped and maybe some others did." I believe that's all the good stuff from the paper, apparently it comes out every Thursday so I'll try to get another copy before we head home. If anyone has any good local stories while I'm gone, please let me know. Adios!