Welcome to the Jungle

I've been busy the last couple days so I have a lot to catch you up on. Before I forget to mention it, I noticed two interesting things on the way to work today. First, there was an old woman pulled over on Glenwood by Thomas Jefferson, probably commiting the unspeakable crime of speeding in a school zone. She was hunched over the steering wheel, one of her hands tangled in her freshly washed at the beauty shop head of white curls, and it made me ask the question: why do all old women have curly hair? I'm sure there are also some straight haired seniors, but the majority of the old women I've seen have fluffy, cotton candy-like, heads of white or silver curls. All the Golden Girls got a little kinky with their hair, even Bea "I'm Really a Man"Arthur. Why is this? The second interesting encounter occurred at Glenwood and Springfield. We were listening to Ludacris' "Saturday" on the radio, and what did I happen to see. No, not a big ole ass, but a Ludacris lookalike. The resemblance was remarkable, and if you see him around town, you should probably stay out of his "bizz-nass."


Today's Herald News was unremarkable, but the last few days have had a few articles of note. Saturday's police blotter included students arrested for throwing desks (whatever happened to detention?), and a drug arrest after suspects were seen "acting suspiciously" and "dumping a leafy material out the window." What could that "leafy material" be? Herald News, why be so sly? However, my personal favorite recent blotter story appeared in yesterday's paper:


Mom punched in nose after giving advice

JOLIET — A man punched his girlfriend's mother in the nose while sitting in an emergency room at Silver Cross Hospital, police said.

The woman suggested that her 18-year-old daughter not marry Jon C. Jordan, 21, of 326 Fairmont Ave., police said. The mom was waiting to be treated Saturday around 3 p.m. for a car crash earlier in the day.

After the suggestion, Jordan punched the mother on the nose, causing a cut, police said.

Hospital officials separated the two. Jordan was arrested by Joliet police on charges of battery and released on a $1,000 bond.



I'm sure that suggestion was very polite: "Honey, I suggest you don't marry that man." It's bad enough that Jon C. Jordan chose to punch his future mother in law while she was waiting to be treated for a car accident, but to do so the day before Mother's Day? Somehow I have a feeling we won't be seeing their wedding announcement in the Keepsakes section anytime soon. . .



On to this weekend's events. Friday night, following dinner with the family, Nancy and I ventured out to Mokena (to find out what Muppet does not live in Mokena, even though it would be appropriate, click here) to meet up with Kelly and Eric at The Jungle, a dance club located in a shopping center next to a day care center. After declining the complimentary valet parking, we arrived at the front of the club, where there were a couple turnstiles, a disorganized line, and a man with a clip board. Wondering if this was some kind of pseudo Studio 54, and half expecting clipboard man to allow a nearby clubgoer entry, only to be told, "Not with that shirt!", I joked to Nancy about how we weren't on "the list." A balding guy ahead of me took me seriously and informed me that he and his cue-balled cohorts were on the list, but had two extra spots that we could have. Nancy and I agreed, and with that we were on "the list." Unfortunately no, we weren't with the DJ, but we were waived the $5 entry fee. We entered the club, which appeared like a revamped Discovery Zone with jungle decor. Instead of going "DZ" we headed up to the bar and met up with Kelly and Eric. We were quickly met by a man who reminded me of Scotty in Boogie Nights, who asked to take our picture for the website. Unfortunately, when Kelly and Nancy checked the website, our picture was not posted, but then again, neither was the girl that posed seductively with the elephant mural on the wall, and maybe that's a good thing. Nancy and I checked out the "Member Room," which looks like someone's family room and has very low security: Bouncer:"Are you members?" Nancy and Emily: "Yeah." (lying) Bouncer: "Ok." The music at the jungle was basically 92 Energy style techno, and though we didn't dance (apparently the crowd doesn't get going till much later, and we left pretty early), we observed many wannabe ballers and shotcallers dancing spastically by themselves, and many middle aged men bobbing Night at the Roxbury style on the outskirts of the floor. One funny moment occurred when a girl tapped me on the shoulder, saying, "Move! I can't see!" apparently because I was blocking the view of the dancers. Really, there was nothing to see. In conclusion, I would say that the Jungle definitely does have fun and games, but I probably would enjoy it more on a night when I had more energy.