News You Can Use

It's time to get learned.

1.www.urbandictionary.com: "Crunk" means "crazy drunk." It's apparently a hybrid word with several definitions. And here I thought Mary J. Blige just created it to go along with her other made up words, "hateration," "holleration," and "dancery."

2.My parents: Chompers is not beloved by everyone. My family went there this weekend with my neighbors' kids, and they were not impressed. Maggie, who had spoken so glowingly of their chicken fingers in the past, was not a fan this time. Apparently it was business as usual at Chompers, as my brother said he saw only about three other tables of people. Melanie's parents also checked out Chompers recently and were not fans. I think I may need to go again and try something other than the grilled cheese to give my final vote on the matter.

3.The Chicago Tribune: The Trib can be as amusing as the Herald News. I was glancing at the Tribune wedding announcements today, and there was a couple getting married who went to college together, majored in advertising together, and now work at a marketing company and drive the Pepperidge Farm Goldfish "Miles of Smiles" Mobile together. I am so amazed that this was included in their wedding announcement, but I bet it's a pretty hilarious job, traveling the country in a giant cheddar fish. I only wish that they hadn't known each other before taking on this job. What a story it would be to have met your spouse in the "Snack That Smiles Back?" Note: the giant wheat goldfish crackers (300% bigger than your regular goldfish crackers) rock the party that rocks the house.

4.The Disney Store Catalog: Marie Osmond makes scary dolls. Now, I can see the need for a Cruella Deville action figure, she's one of my favorite Disney villains, second only to Ursula from the Little Mermaid (mostly because of her resemblance to a certain teacher I had in high school). But Marie Osmond, who, for some reason, felt singing just wasn't enough and decided to enter the world of dollmaking, decided that the one doll everyone needs is a doll of Cruella Deville as a baby. Hence, Baby Cruella can be yours for only $175.00. "Captivatingly cute," one can only assume that the frozen look of joy on her face commemorates the moment that she got her first fur. Considering how ugly I consider the majority of dolls, the fact that this one takes the ugly cake is a bold statement. And here I thought that the skunk hairdo was a style choice she made when she was older, but maybe she was born with it (maybe it's Maybelline!)

5. My website search engine: People continue to find my website through some interesting searches. Check these out:
Jessica Simpson dumb idiot
What kind of boots is Jessica Simpson wearing on the camping episode of Newlyweds
Jessica Simpson is an idiot
Jessica Simpson's Louis Vuitton bag
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Sensing a pattern? And then there's this one:
Big German

I don't know anything about Jessica Simpson's ethnicity, so "Big German could potentially relate to her.

6. The Blotter: People can be very picky about their ice cream. Check out "Drama at the DQ":

Customer menaces Dairy Queen workers

JOLIET — A customer threatened to hurt Dairy Queen workers after they allegedly did not give her enough ice cream Saturday.
The woman came to the drive thru on Essington Road and requested that someone other than the employee currently stationed at the window fill her order.
The patron claimed that the first employee had previously shorted her on ice cream. Police said workers complied and had someone else fill the request.
Shortly after, the woman stormed back in the restaurant and accused the workers of "ripping her off." She claimed she was going to jump over the counter and "beat (the employee's) head in." Other customers intervened and the belligerent patron left.

First, I want to know what her order was, and in what way she was left "short." Not enough M&M's in the blizzard? Too little hot fudge on the sundae? One twist too little in the softserve? Not enough "dip" on the cherry dipped cone? Also, it would take a lot of skill to jump over the DQ counter. Unless she's Super Mario and just got a mushroom, it ain't gonna fly. Finally, how did the other customers "intervene"? This sounds like mob action. I'm hoping there was some sort of ice cream slinging brawl, like she ended up with a face full o'slush or something. I think I'll stick with Walt's for the time being: rainbow cones and the pleasure of watching people "cruise the J" are an awesome combo. Later!