Tuesday, May 27, 2003

Herald News Heckling and Reality TV: Joliet Style

In last week's Herald News, columnist Tim Placher wrote a column mocking Joliet restaurants that while very critical of Joliet and somewhat mean spirited, cracked my shit up, mostly for the implication that the only alcoholic beverage Jolietans order at restaurants is beer. Many, many of Joliet's finest wrote back to defend our fair town; my personal favorite entry stated that Mr. Placher had "big kahunas."

The other news of the day was that I was checking around on TV tonight and flipped past a reality show on UPN called "America's Top Models" or something like that. Oddly enough, one of the "contestants" was a 20 year old girl from. . .JOLIET! Her name is Adrianne, and according to Courtney's mom, she was talking about how she enjoyed cow tipping back home. Ok, who cow tips in Joliet? I'm hoping this girl is a good representative of J-town, the show was pretty funny so I may have to keep up with it. Hasta luego.

Monday, May 26, 2003

I Think We're Alone Now

Since it's Memorial Day weekend, the official start of Whiskey Tango season, I figured it was time for a blow by blow (not like that) recap of the first weekend o' fun. The Herald News certainly did its part in Saturday and Sunday's police blotters.

Suspicious youth

JOLIET — A woman spotted a young boy doing "naughty things" in the Target parking lot Wednesday morning.

The woman first reported the naughtiness to security staff at the 2701 Plainfield Road store. Security went looking for the youth, reportedly a 7-year-old with spiky hair, but were unable to locate him.

The woman called back a second time and told store workers that she again had found the boy, referred to as a suspicious male white subject.

Security video footage reportedly was captured of the white pickup truck the boy was riding in. The video was turned over to police

I really don't know what "naughty things" occurred, but I'm thinking it was a little more than just not putting the cart back in the "cart coral."

Disorderly conduct charge

JOLIET — A wine-spewing Warrenville man was collared after spitting on a Harrah's casino blackjack dealer's hand, police said.

Steven Babiarz, 43, was arrested on charges of battery and disorderly conduct in connection with the 2:30 a.m. Saturday incident at Harrah's.

The dealer told police Babiarz was at his table and became angry. He then expressed this anger by spitting wine on the dealer's hand, police said.

After spitting the wine, Babiarz reportedly told the dealer, "Be lucky it's only wine."

A casino security manager told Babiarz to leave, police said. But instead of leaving, Babiarz reportedly got loud and verbally abusive. He then told the security man, "He's lucky that's all he got," police said. The security man was frightened and alarmed by this, police said

I'm sorry, but what else would this guy be spitting? I'm horrified at the possibilities. But we've saved the best for last. . .

Dancer hospitalized

JOLIET TOWNSHIP — An exotic dancer was hospitalized after a lap dance went bad and she was knocked unconscious.

The dancer, 26-year-old Tiffani Szabo, was treated at Silver Cross Hospital for injuries suffered at the end of the lap dance about 3:30 p.m. Monday.

Szabo reportedly told police she was performing a lap dance for a man in the 111 Patterson Road bar the Cellar when he started pulling her closer to him.

She said she was straddling the man — who reportedly was on his fourth straight lap dance of the day — but tried to free herself. She then demanded he release her.

The man obliged, the dancer told police. But she reportedly had not expected him to simply drop her.

Szabo fell backward and hit her head on a table. The Plainfield man enjoying her services reportedly thought she was "pretending" to be unconscious. He did lift her from the floor and tried to set her on a chair.

Szabo, clad in a bikini, then was moved to a pool table.

I have no words to comment on this, but I hope there wasn't a pool game in play when "Szabo" was placed on the pool table.

Ok, back to the weekend at hand. Thursday night Courtney, Megan and I decided to head to Samy's as usual. We decided to try to "beat the system" and get there early, and met there around 9:30. However, Joliet's answer to Studio 54 had a long line out the door that moved at the speed of a midget pulling an airplane (did anyone see that Man Versus Beast special on Fox this winter?). Rob met us there, along with some friends of Megan's from school, and we bitched for about 45 minutes before deciding to give up and meet everyone else over at Heroes. Heroes was pretty crowded, mostly with fellow line waiters from Samy's, and we had an entertaining evening, though Chuckie was not there for some reason.

Friday night I headed over to the Joliet Jackhammers opening game with Melanie. It was an exciting evening, and many of Joliet's finest came out for the game, including our favorite local swimmer, my hairdresser, and the too tan bar regular we like to call "Hollywood." A new feature at the Jackhammers games was a "mascot" of sorts: "Krazy George," an older man who apparently was the inventor of the wave. I don't know if he'll be a regular. We enjoyed beer, hot dogs, and frosted nuts for a few innings before heading over to Nancy's to get ready to go see Remedy at Bourbon Street. Now some of you may remember that Melanie, Kelly, Eric, Wendy, Tim and I are featured on Remedy's website from their performance at Tuckaway last year. Alas, the Remedy Cam did not catch Nancy, Megan, Melanie and I during this performance, but we did manage to get free CD's and beads, while Megan captured the triple crown: beads, a CD, and a t-shirt. The CD's were thanks in part to a shady lad who claimed to be Remedy's manager, but I think he was more likely to be the manager of "Animal Crackers," the pet store a few stores down from Bourbon Street. We had an entertaining adventure going through the tolls on the way to Bourbon Street in which the bar came down on top of Nicky Neon, but no lasting damage was done, no thanks to whoever didn't contribute enough toll money two cars in front of us. We also shared the road with a bright yellow car filled with cheesy looking club guys that had the license plate "Drippin Wet" (I don't remember exactly how the letters were arranged to come up with that classy slogan).

After shopping and seeing Bruce Almighty on Saturday, Sunday evening was the adventure we'd all been waiting for: another trip to Bourbon Street, this time to see a few bands: Remedy again, another group whose name I can't remember, and switching gears from her "Mall Tour" to her "Random Clubs Next to $1 Stores in Shopping Plazas on the South Side of Chicago Tour," Tiffany. Yes, that Tiffany. Luckily, I brought my camera with to document the event, click here for pictures. There was only a short line to get into the club, but the level of excitement was high, especially for one linegoer who had developed a nosebleed; his companion told him to get rid of that before he saw Tiffany. We walked around during the opening two bands: Remedy was good but at the end of their set when we got there, the other band was not quite so talented. I did get one of my new favorite lines from a positive thinking lad: "Keep bein' yourself and keep bein' beautiful." Perhaps he got that line from a Curves for Women commercial or something. Side note: downtown Joliet has its very own knockoff of Curves: Swerves for Women.

Finally, Tiffany came onstage, and we were not disappointed. She sang a lot of new songs that noone knew or particularly cared about, but her voice sounded good. She looked pretty good for her age, though perhaps a little thicker. Luckily, it didn't take too long before she got to her hits: "I Saw Him Standing There," "Could've Been" (Paula Abdul would have called it "one of her most vulnerable performances," she sat on the edge of the stage singing this one), and "I Think We're Alone Now." During that song Tiff came through the crowd on some guy's shoulders, and we were lucky enough to touch her hands as she held them out to her adoring fans. Now, my childhood favorites trilogy is complete: I've seen New Kids in concert (note: my dad took me to this concert and had me on his shoulders so I could see; he ended up dropping me. I don't think that it affected me mentally, though some may think otherwise), I met Debbie Gibson, and I touched Tiffany's hand. Once Tiffany finished her hits, we hightailed it out to the sportsbar area before we could hear her performance of "Landslide." The rest of the evening passed uneventfully, except for a visit to the ladies room in which Courtney was repeatedly called "Boo," by the restroom attendant, who also offered advice to the various ladies room patrons about not letting men hold them back.

All in all, quite an exciting weekend. I'll try to share more of our adventures in the coming months.

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