Friday, August 19, 2005

The Girl Who Cried Bound and Gagged

Blotter first. I can't let that title go unexplained for very long.

Cops investigate woman's report
JOLIET — A woman alerted a gas station clerk to a naked woman bound and gagged outside a McDonough Street motel Monday night, police said.
The woman entered the 324 S. Larkin Ave. Marathon service station in an "excited manner" shortly after 8 p.m. and asked to use the phone, police said.
She then told a clerk working there that there was a naked white woman bound and gagged outside the nearby Red Roof Inn.
Police apparently did not find the naked woman.

Sorry, but that is just bizarre. I don't get it. I'd stay away from the Red Roof Inn though.

Teen charged with impersonating cop
JOLIET — A Lemont teen tried talking his way into a nightclub by flashing a Joliet police officer's business card and threatening to shut the place down, police said.
Peter Vivaldi, 19, of 170 Shannon Court in Lemont was cited for impersonating a police officer and illegal consumption of alcohol in connection with the 1:30 a.m. incident at Sapphire.
Vivaldi argued with bouncers at the door of the 22 W. Cass St. nightclub and attempted to intimidate them with a business card from a city police officer, police said.
Vivaldi then claimed to actually be a police officer and threatened to shut down Sapphire, police said.
Vivaldi had been drinking before pulling this stunt, police said, and smelled of alcohol.

Apparently Sapphire's new relaxed dress code and cover charges don't include letting in 19 year old faux cops. Good for them. What a sassy kid though! However, this one is by far the best blotter in recent memory:

Bachelor party at plasma center goes awry
JOLIET — Two Joliet men were robbed during a bachelor party Saturday afternoon at Joliet Blood Plasma, 128 Collins St., when a "security" agent searched the victims and took their money because a stripper was missing some cash, police said.
Police had not determined whether Joliet Blood Plasma officials were aware that a bachelor party was occurring on its premises around 2 p.m., said Lt. Gordon Corp of the Joliet police.
During the party, two people acting as security reportedly decided to conduct their own investigation when the stripper said she was missing money. Corp said security locked the doors and searched everybody who was present.
Two men, ages 24 and 26, told police that security took about $200 from each of them, Corp said.
The 26-year-old told police that one of the security guards hit him in the head with a mop bucket, Corp said.
"We don't believe they were from a security company. I'm assuming they were playing security for whoever was running the party," Corp said.

Of all the places that I would think would be a great spot for a bachelor party, JOLIET BLOOD PLASMA at 2 in the AFTERNOON does not sound like a hot spot. Were the guests vampires? I really like the "hit in the head with a mop bucket" thing. Can you imagine being the stripper who got the call to perform at the BLOOD PLASMA CENTER? How low-rent of a stripper must you be to accept that offer? Sorry, this one just boggles the mind.

In other H-N news, we have confirmation that the future location of Heroes is unknown. Apparently they're looking at sites in Shorewood, out by the mall, and Orland (as an expansion). I vote Shorewood. However, they're opening at 3 pm on August 28 for their last night and staying open "until the beer runs out." This could be entertaining. Rumor (and my hairdresser) has it that America's Kitchen is undergoing remodeling to become a sports bar. Exciting news, but I worry about confused senior citizens arriving for an Early Bird dinner who find out that poached eggs are no longer on the menu.

Ok, I was on the radio Monday morning, and it was fun. Topics discussed included this here website, my shopping habits, what bars I go to, and my "pack of friends." I found this hilarious b/c "packs" make me think of hyenas. Anyway, I liked being on the radio, and I had fond memories of my days interning at the Bus.

Column update: not positive when the first one is going to run yet, they're working on promotions and things. I'll keep you updated. However, I did have a "photo shoot" on Monday which was pretty amusing. I tried to remember all the skills I'd learned from watching America's Next Top Model. If only Adrianne Curry could have been there to coach me.

Recent social news: last Thursday was the usual trip to Jameson's. One of our favorite sights was the guy we called Undercover Bouncer. The UB was clad in an Express tee and had some crazy neck tattoos, and stood near the kitchen, lingering around the other employees, assuming the classic bouncer position, with his hands clasped in front of him, as if ready to come to the rescue when need be. If he was trying to be undercover, it really wasn't working as we sniffed him out immediately.

There was a period in the night where Wendy and I felt like we were in the middle of a lull as nothing too interesting had happened recently. This quickly ended when a guy came up to Wendy and asked, "Are you from the Ukraine?" Note: Wendy does not look like Oksana Baiul. Wait, is Oksana even from the Ukraine? Time to do research. . .SCORE! I was right. Anyway, Wendy said no (rather than nyet) and we continued on, excited about this bizarre event. We shared the story with many a bargoer; at the end of the evening, an acquaintance yelled at us, "Hey Ukrainian girls, wanna come to an after party?" Again, no. I had my "I'm old" moment of the evening when I asked a guy pitching woo at me what year he graduated from high school. He replied with 2001, to which I informed him that that was when I graduated from college. Argh! Other adventures included watching someone I'll refer to as "our neighbor to the north" almost get kicked out over what appeared to be hat issues (he smoothed things over) and not seeing any brawls. Apparently the Undercover Bouncer was doing his job.

Last weekend. . .didn't really do much other than go see the Hillary Duff movie "The Perfect Man" at the Super Saver. When I go see movies with Courtney, we tend to lean toward the horrible teen films that no one else wants to see, and we try to wait until they're cheap. I would honestly say that "The Perfect Man" was worth $2. It wasn't that awful, and Mike O'Malley as an obsessed Styx fan (with Dennis DeYoung playing a Dennis DeYoung impersonator, how ironic) was amusing. We had quite a good time mocking the Duffster as, we call her, for her horrible outfits and bad decisions; comments included, "You done did it now, Duff." I think I'll give it two stars. Off note: I just realized that I really like ELO. I forgot how good of a song "Turn to Stone" is. I may have the world's most random taste in music. Thank you, 99.9, for alerting me to random bands that I hadn't experienced before. I'll never like Steely Dan though.

Ok, this week. Wednesday night Shannon and I went to a Jackhammers game since I hadn't been to one since June. I think they lost, but I only found that out from the paper the next day. We left about halfway through, it wasn't too exciting of a night. However, we did see flying bats, of both the wooden and vampire varieties (Shannon's text message to Joe was, I believe, "Eeek! A Bat!"), check out the gift shop (Shannon was unimpressed, but I told her it was much better than the Kane County Cougars shop), eat some chili nachos, and meet Champ. Champ, I am a fan. Also: I realized that the "two guys going to a movie must never sit directly next to each other" rule also applies at baseball games, at least severely underpopulated Jackhammers games. We made a quick stop at McBrody's afterward for their amazing cheese filled breadsticks and spent some time flashing back to high school in order to recall who used to hang out on the bonfire party circuit that was quite popular our senior year. We had a hard time figuring out how a random Providence football player known as "Big Dog" was part of the group, but a well-timed phone call to our old pal Fergie led to some possible theories and lended some closure to our Golden Girls-esque reminiscence. We didn't have any cheesecake, though, although I saw that McBrody's has deep-fried cheesecake on the menu. I don't know what to think of that. Downtown bar note: apparently all the bars in downtown J-town are going to, at some point, have $1 bottles on Thursdays. Will the Thursday night party move downtown? We shall see.

Speaking of Thursdays, I went to Jameson's for a bit last night. It was hopping as usual, but for some reason the music was just awesome, especially at the beginning of the night. They were playing a lot of rock and I heard two, count'em two, Journey songs. Back in Samy's days they'd only play Journey if someone requested it! Again, no brawls. I was also amused to see Guy Who Always Sits in the Same Spot at the Bar. This lad, also known as Zack Morris for his fleeting resemblance to Mark-Paul Gosselaar, always is in the same spot. I wonder how early he gets there to stake it out. Maybe he can get his name engraved on the chair like the chairs at Heroes. I was a little distressed last night when I didn't immediately see the Zack Attack and saw a guy wearing a hat in his place. Another glance led me to realize that the guy wearing the hat WAS Zack Morris. Apparently I'm easily fooled by disguises.

I believe that's all I got for now. More news soon!!!

Sunday, August 14, 2005

On the Radio

Just wanted to let you know that I'll be on WJOL (1340 AM) tomorrow morning (Monday) at 9:30 AM, as part of Janradio. Feel free to tune in.

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