J-Town Gone Wild

Ok, today's Herald News may very well have won the "Most Articles I Want to Read in One Issue" award. First we have the bank robbery, then some Cottonwood Farms drama, a woman with a Jay Leno vendetta, the "Field's is becoming Macy's" (I am distressed; I have Midwestern Marshall Field's pride) story, more news on the plan to turn downtown J-Town into Rush Street (more on that later), and a quality blotter:


Employee threatened
JOLIET — A thin, sickly, pock-marked man raised a ruckus at a West Jefferson Street check-cashing business Monday and threatened to harm an employee, police said.
The man attempted to secure a payday loan from the Check Into Cash store at 2157 W. Jefferson St. shortly after 3:30 p.m.
When he was denied the loan, the man then picked up items from the counter and began throwing them about, police said.
He also reportedly slammed his head into the front door, hit the windows with his hands and kicked a wall.
He then threatened a woman working there with "bodily harm" after the business closed for the night, police said.
Police said the trouble-making man is white, black-haired, in his 30s, thin and "sickly," and about 6-foot to 6-foot-4. His face is pock-marked, he had a hickey on his neck and a thin mustache. He was wearing a navy blue sweater and faded black jeans.


What is this, hickey week? Jessica on Laguna Beach had a monstrous one. . .I first learned about hickeys from Who's the Boss, when Sam had one and was trying to hide it from Tony. I bet she got a major "Suh-MAN-thuh!" for that one. Also, does anyone else remember those quality Check Into Cash commercials where people were doing an E.T.-like thing with their fingers to make check signs?

The Rush Street article is pretty interesting, apparently bar owners still want to have later bar hours. While I still believe that no good can come out of Joliet bars being open till 5 AM, I don't think a couple hours can hurt, especially since it takes so long for Sapphire to get hopping. On the Sapphire note, Angie went there the week after the skanky Smurfette incident and only saw fully clothed dancers. Check out this part of the article:

Sapphire's new promotional strategy — its Web site advertises "Stripped" Saturday nights that include hot-body contests and body painting — has caught the attention of city officials. Joliet liquor commissioners this summer issued the club its first verbal warning for allowing a woman wearing shorts and a painted torso to dance there.
The city's liquor code requires bar patrons and entertainers to have "a fully opaque covering" of their breasts "below the top of the areola."
Gelis insisted there was no nudity at Sapphire, but that the club is no longer doing body painting.

I am quite amused that the liquor code is that specific. Good to see that skankiness is no longer part of the ticket at Sapphire, but the website pictures still scare me. In other H-N news, I am very sorry that I neglected my blogging duties last week and thus have found that it's too late to access last week's police blotters, which included one about a guy with an unidentified object in his butt. If anyone knows how to access it, let me know, but I could only go back as far as Thursday.

It is with a heavy, heavy heart that I mention that J.D. won INXS: Rock Star. My love for Marty Casey just wasn't enough. I do think J.D. was more INXS-like, but I just like Marty so much better. J.D. was a bit too much of a punk for my tastes and I think INXS may have some issues with that later on. Also, note to J.D.: I liked the "throwing fake money into the crowd" routine the first time I saw it , which was when the Brat Pack did it at Heroes or Tuckaway a few years ago. Hopefully Marty will get a solo career or do something with the Lovehammers again, and open for INXS. I would go to that concert, although I worry about INXS' collective age a bit, as they kind of looked like dads playing guitars last night.

I have to add a note to any employees of Surprise Parties: It's probably not the best idea to leave fliers on people's cars that are parked somewhat illegally, because they may think that they have tickets rather than information about flavored massage oils. This is what happened to several of my classmates and me recently, and it was not appreciated. Ok, social news . . .a couple Fridays ago I went with some friends to a spot I hadn't been to before, the Roadhouse in Channahon. I liked the Roadhouse, except for a couple clunkers the music was pretty good. Who knew there was a dance mix of Mr. Brightside? There was a promotion going on for some new Captain Morgan rum called Tattoo in which they were giving out free shots and airbrushed tattoos. Naturally we partook, though I can't recommend Tattoo, it tastes like a nastier version of Jager. We were quite amused by the people getting tattoos, which included a dude that was already festooned with many real tattoos, but kept going up to add airbrushed ones to his body canvas. Also amusing was a guy who had gotten one of the tattoos that was obviously meant to go around the belly button on the back of his neck. Unfortunately not too many people partook in the "flaming head that looks like the Heat Miser" tattoo option. That Saturday I went to a party at Mike's, unfortunately, despite practice and coaching, I remain on the remedial team for bags.

Last weekend. . .went to Jameson's on Thursday, it was fun but the music was not as good as usual, it was a bit of a time warp for unknown reasons. We also saw some people on the dance floor doing what looked like "The Routine" that Monica and Ross did on Friends. We also had another encounter with a guy I had met the week before who tried to pitch woo to me until I caught him in a lie about watching Rock Star: INXS, after which he was promptly dismissed, I can't handle liars. He and his friends came up to us again, and I got the impression that the liar had no recollection of the previous encounter. I considered asking him about Rock Star again but decided to behave. Saturday evening a bunch of us went to Mr. Shesha's in Naperville to celebrate Court's birthday and indoctrinate Shannon and Joe into the world of hookah pipes and hummus, and then headed to downtown Naperville. None of us were in the mood for cheesy bars, so we decided to check out a new bar next to Potter's, I can't remember the name of it but it's whatever the street number of the place is. We walked up an extremely long staircase to reach an odd bar that looked a bit like a small indoor forest with lighted branches on the ceiling and very cheesy looking people who had used large quantities of hair products. A few glances between the five of us led to a mutual "get out of this place" understanding and we ended up going down to Jimmy's, where we encountered a bunch of JCA alums and a guy on his cell phone who kept saying that the bar he was at was "catty corner" to his friend's current location. I prefer "kitty corner", but oh well. Oddly enough, the most amusing moments of the night happened after the bar. On our way to the car, a fairly preppy couple asked us if there were any more bars in the direction we were walking. I told them that one segment of Jefferson had "skanks in tanks" bars, which greatly amused the girl and she asked if she could use that phrase, to which I agreed. After this exchange, a group of guys were walking behind us, including a small African American man who started doing the Li'l Jon "WHAT?!" thing from Dave Chappelle, to which I replied, "OK!" They continued on with the routine, and I added in "Aw skeet skeet skeet skeet. . ." to which the guy cracked up and said, "No she did NOT!" We finally got to the parking structure, and encountered some what of a domestic dustup, in which a girl screamed at her paramour, the paramour got out of the car and ran away, and the girl ran after him . . .leaving the car in the middle of the aisle, running and almost blocking my car. Rob was able to get my car out, and we drove around the block to see if any more histrionics were going on on the street. We thought we heard screaming on the street level of the structure, but it wasn't them, unfortunately, so we drove around yet again to find that someone had moved the car so that it was no longer blocking any parked cars, but still left running with the keys in the igntion. Oh Naperville. If this was Joliet, someone would be the proud new owner of a Mitsubishi Eclipse GT. That's all for now, more news soon!