Friday, October 31, 2003

Devil in Disguise

Happy Halloween to you and yours! In honor of Pumpkin Day I've decided to share with you tales of Halloweens past. Enjoy!

1. Emily: The Early Years: I don't really remember any Halloweens before kindergarten very well. I know one year, maybe when I was 4, I was dressed up as Mary (of Little Lamb fame) and had a big ass lamb that I carried around with me. I also believe I was a witch at one point or another, either that or I was just trying my sister's witch costume on. I'm a little vague on these details. I do recall that my sister was dressed up for I'm thinking two Halloweens as a "Punk Rocker," which I thought was the height of cool.

2. Kindergarten: I was Strawberry Shortcake. I don't remember too much except that I was really pissed that my mom wasn't helping out with my class's Halloween festivities and for some reason was working with one of the other kindergarten classes. My kindergarten teacher (we'll just call her Satan) did little to console me. I also recall watching a Disney Halloween special that scared the bejeezus out of me so much that I had to go play with the other scared kids in another room. I was a sensitive child. Odd costume worn by other kid in my class? One girl went as a bride. I'm sorry, I just don't find the idea of a child bride amusing. Well, I guess it was scary, now that I think of it.

3. 1st grade: I was sick from school that day, but my mom, being the awesome mom that she is, still let me go trick or treating. I was a farmer and basically just wore my Oshkosh B'Gosh overalls and stuck some seed packets in the pockets. Low-stress, low maintenance, no school, and lots o'candy. Awesome.

4. 2nd grade: I was a puppy (specifically Belle, Snoopy's girlfriend) in this really cute black and white spotted puppy costume we got at Amerika's. I don't remember anything else about this Halloween except that I had a little pink ribbon on my tail so that everyone would know I was a "girl dog." Hee hee, I was a bitch for Halloween. Trick or treating note: one year, not sure when, someone in our neighborhood passed out GIANT RED PAPER CLIPS to trick or treaters. The hell?

5. 3rd grade:: Adolescent bitchiness was starting, and all the "cool girls" were dressing up as cheerleaders. Since my sister was a pom pon girl, I had authentic gear, including the "cheerleader skirt over sweatpants" look that was so popular back in the day. I believe I wore it with a Coca Cola cheerleading sweatshirt and matching watch. I was styling all right.

6. 4th grade:: This was one of those low maintenance Halloween years where we kind of left things to the last minute. I wanted to be Mickey Mouse but we never really got around to it (such slacker behavior would not be tolerated in today's world of ultra elaborate children's costuming), so my mom got me another outfit from Amerika's and I went as a "jazz dancer." I believe this consisted of some kind of cropped shirt pants outfit and some barrettes. It was a really cute outfit as I recall, just not too costumey (yes, I made that word up). I think that was the year that "the costume" was a '50's girl, but I didn't get that outfit until 4th grade Star Search, in which my pal Stephanie and I did a pom routine to "Do You Love Me" from Dirty Dancing.

7. 5th grade: Another low maintenance year. I went as a "Frannie" aka a St. Francis Academy student, wearing a plaid skirt and SFA sweater. Amusingly, my friend Teri, who went as Cleopatra, asked me why I didn't wear a costume. Playa please. That was the year of crazy costumes (or maybe it just seemed that way because I have so many Polaroid "Cool Cam" pics from that year), including the San Francisco Earthquake (he wore a big highway construction thing with matchbox cars), Doogie Howser, young Bette Midler in Beaches (again, the hell?), and my personal favorite, worn by a guy who's currently playing in the NFL: the Tooth Fairy.

8. 6th grade: I went as a baby. Pigtails, pajamas, kitten slippers, the whole nine yards. I don't remember too much except that might have been the year that a girl in my class went as a "Blockbuster Video" tape of The Little Mermaid, and I know it was the year that a girl went as a Dancing Flower. Yeah, she won the contest.

9. 7th grade:: I aged a bit and went as a kindergartener. Pigtails, overalls, Mickey Mouse turtleneck and a lunchbox used as a purse. This may or may not have been the year that my classmate Scott went as a blonde, including a sweater stuffed with a tissue box (not just tissues), a Dee Snider-esque wig, and shoes that read TGIF (toes go in first).

10. 8th grade: This costume was awesome. I was Alice from the Brady Bunch. My mom sprayed my hair gray, I wore a light-blue lab coat as a dress, carried a feather duster. Fabulous. I know I was one of the winners of the "Funniest Costume" contest. I think I "won" a gift certificate to the Troy Junior High cafeteria. Oh hell no. I brought my lunch, I wasn't going to be buying a Steak-umm or any of that nonsense. Other awesome costumes that year included two girls who dressed up as Axl and Slash, and the best costume story ever. This kid Jeff in my class, always a little crazy, decided to dress up as "Captain Constipation." I don't remember the exact costume, but I do recall that he carried a container of dog poop around with him until one of the teachers reported feeling offended and it was confiscated. Dude, it just doesn't get any better than that.

11. Freshman/Sophomore/Junior Year: These years all run together for me, I don't remember what years I dressed up or didn't, I don't even recall if we were allowed to dress up every year. I remember one year I wore my dad's Navy uniform, that's about it.

12. Senior Year: Two costumes that year. For Sean Carroll's Halloween party Kelly and I dressed up as old school JCA pom pon girls using our sisters' old jackets and skirts. I didn't want to offend any current pom pon girls, so for school I dressed up as Punky Brewster. Weird costume that year: our pal "Big Dog" wore a black sweatshirt with fake chicks stuck to it and was a "Chick Magnet." Entertaining event: we took Mexican exchange student Ana Paula Maytorena trick or treating for the first time. We took her to one of our religion teacher's houses and she wanted to stay for dinner.

13. Freshman/Sophomore Years of College: Nothing too interesting, I think I went home for Halloween freshman year, but dressed up as one hit wonder Jamiroquai for the dorm party. Note: in the picture, lead singer "Jay Kay," wearing the black hat, was who I dressed up as. Up till now I always thought Jamiroquai was only one person. For those who don't recall, Jamiroquai sang "Virtual Insanity" and in the video danced around a room with a moving floor. For the costume I wore a big ass black hat and wrapped a piece of cardboard in holographic wrapping paper to use as my floor. Ok, actually that was a pretty interesting costume. Sophomore year I think went to a formal on Halloween, but I helped out at a kids event the day before and dressed up as a baby again. The formal was costume optional, and though I didn't wear a costume, my RA went as a streaker with a trenchcoat.

14. Junior Year: This was a fun year. For the party at my old dorm, I went as Audrey Hepburn in capris, big sunglasses, a little headband, etc. For Halloween weekend I went down to ISU with Shannon, Joe, and Dawn to visit Joe Hunnewell. Shannon, Dawn and I went as Fembots, and Joe A. was Dr. Evil. Joe H. was Phantom of the Opera, I don't know why he wasn't Austin Powers but whatever. It was a very funny night; we had a drunken trip through a haunted house, saw a male high school classmate walking down the street in a tube top, got hit on by guys in such costumes as Where's Waldo and Fred Durst (oh hell no), and took some awesome pictures. An excellent Halloween.

15. Senior Year: This was another awesome Halloween, it came in several parts. A few weeks before Halloween I went out to Philadelphia to visit my sister, and her med school had a party. We wore white garbage bags and covered ourselves with various pieces of garbage and went as, you guessed it, white trash. We even had twist ties in our hair. We got second in the contest, the guy who one went as a one night stand. My roommates and I had a Halloween party that year that was incredible, we ended up having over 90 people in our apartment, including various NU basketball players who somehow found out about it, and eventually got busted by the PD, at just about the time that we were ready to go to bed anyway. They were very nice about it and I later reminisced with them about the occasion at another party that got busted later in the year. They had confused it with another Halloween party in which they found some naked people, but no matter. For the party I dressed up as Christina Aguilera with a blond wig, fake tattoos, pleather pants, a "Christina" necklace, etc. My boyfriend at the time went as Lance from N Sync, another friend went as Britney Spears, and another was Pink, so we had the whole pop phenomenon covered. Amusing highlight: ex-boyfriend drunkenly asking a fellow dressed as Paul McCartney if he was supposed to be a Nazi. Unfortunately, Paul was not so amused. These things happen.

16. 2001: Went as Madonna for a pre-Halloween party at Kelly's. Highlight: Melanie's hilarious "Disco Ball" costume.

17. 2002: Megan's 1st annual Halloween party was held a couple weeks before Halloween to fit everyone's busy schedules. I went as a police officer, and my costume was awesome, especially my big ass Hot Topic boots. Thanks to O.J. for lending me some props. Other costumes included a nurse, a thug, a gypsy, a mental patient, Wonder Woman, and the Green Lantern. On Halloween we went to a haunted house and then went over to Alfa's. We didn't wear our costumes so it wasn't as fun as it could have been, but a good time was still had by all.

And on to this year. We're dressing up to go out, so I can't wait. Have a great weekend!

Thursday, October 30, 2003


Sorry it's been so long. I think I need to start doing smaller, more frequent updates, that way I don't have to write epics every time I do update. I am also VERY amused by the fact that someone found my website looking for "Under the Tuscan Sun bootleg." First, I wasn't aware that there was any great desire for blackmarket Lifetime for Women feature films. Also, whoever is looking for the item should probably travel in the opposite direction of my website, it just ain't gonna be here. Anyway, here's the latest and greatest from the Herald News:

'Suspicious' incident
JOLIET — A man arrived at work Monday morning to find a bag containing a note with his name on it, yellow women's underwear, a shirt and "wet lubricant," police said.
The man found the small brown bag on the front step of Carlson-Holmquist-Sayles Funeral Home at 2320 Black Road shortly after 11 a.m.
Police labeled the incident "suspicious."

I would label the incident "lubricated." Also, isn't "wet lubricant" redundant? The whole situation just sounds like the remnants of an extra kinky (not to be confused with Extra Crispy, Colonel) scavenger hunt to me. What else was on the list? Furry handcuffs? Whips and/or chains? Two tickets to Sybaris?

And then there are a couple highlights from otherwise uninteresting blotter entries. One of the men who robbed a Jackson Street eatery was described as wearing a "black hoodie." Apparently Aeropostale fashion slang has worked its way into the pages of the Herald News. Speaking of hoodies (btw a word I've only recently been able to use, I always hated it so much in the past), the latest radio ad for Plato's Closet (which, although I like the whole clothes for cash exchange, smells like flooded basement), in which a "hip teen" exclaims, "I can't live without my hoodies!" Almost as classic as the tv ad in which a metal-mouthed teen pronounces, "Definitely Abercrombie." Another highlight: a "missing" homeless man (hint: check everywhere) who threatened workers at the IL Department of Human Services is described as carrying a "green bag." Citizens on Patrol: if you see a man with "blond and gray hair" who fits the description, make sure he's got the green bag. Otherwise, keep movin.' There was also a recent case of urine swappin' going on on Ruby Street as a man conned a youth into lending him some urine for a drug test. Luckily the urinating youngster's grandma tipped off the police to the situation at hand. . . An "unknown dude" attacked a man at Miss Camille's Saturday night with a blender, a beer bottle, or a large glass pitcher. . . A attempted robbery at La Mex was thwarted by kitchen staff who attacked the would-be thief with spatulas. Sounds like a situation straight out of Burgertime to me.
And then there's these two "sticky situations":

'Harassing' neighbor
JOLIET — Residents of Westminster Road complained to police Monday of a neighbor "constantly harassing everyone."
The man recently yelled at residents when he apparently grew angry about leaves from their tree falling on his grass, police said. He also blamed them for the grass in his back yard turning brown.
"Both cases are unfounded and obviously caused by nature," police said. "This is an ongoing problem."

I hate to see what this guy does when it snows. However, if someone egged his house, he'd probably see it as an Act of God.

Beware of deer
JOLIET — Sheriff Paul Kaupas warned the public Wednesday to be leery of deer. Note: I'll be sure to avoid watching Bambi.
Kaupas' department in recent weeks has seen an increase in the number of traffic accidents involving deer. He stressed that motorists take care when driving, as love is in the air and this is the season when deer go into rut. This makes them run across roads more often than usual.
Extra special caution should be taken when traveling on county and township roads, or when driving at night or in the early morning.

Citizens: Beware Horny Deer. Maybe they should change the "Deer Crossing" signs to "Horny Deer Crossing." All they'd have to do is put little hearts above the deer's heads (Shannon, let me know if that agreement is correct, damn plural and singular nouns being the same). They could even just use little magnets so they wouldn't have to put up new signs when the deer are "out of rut." Is anyone else picturing that scene in Bambi when all the animals are "twitter-patin' "? Ok, maybe just me.

Now that we've gotten the news out of the way, back to my oh so exciting tales of the past week. Thursday night featured the usual trip to Heroes. This week's early '90's TV star "fauxlebrity" was a Dave "Joey Gladstone on Full House and object of Alanis Morrisette's wrath" Coulier lookalike. Glad to see someone was making up for the absence of Steve Sanders. Other than that there really wasn't much excitement in the air, but thanks to the Heroes DJ for playing the Outkast song, and I don't quite understand the mesh top trend. I recognize that it's "in vogue" and I tried on a top at Express, but I just felt like a soccer net. Ah well. Speaking of fashion: T-Shirt sighting: "The Cross: It's Not About Jewelry, It's About Jesus." Amusingly enough, this was actually a swolley worn by a female. My comment about this shirt? "Religion: It's Not About Being Passive-Aggressive and Judgmental. It's About Being Nice to People." Friday night I went to a retirement party and finally was able to drink another margarita after the disaster that was the Chipotle margarita I had during Nancy's birthday celebration in April (note: Chipotle margarita=strong).

Saturday night was Megan's annual Halloween party. A good time was had by all. Costumes sported included a Hula Girl, Catholic School Girls, a Dirty Old Man, Cleopatra, a '50's girl, an angel, Hans and Franz, French Painter but not a Baker, and many more, including Special Guest Star Buckets the Clown. Much drinking, eating, and Dance Dance Revolution playing occurred, and more Halloween fun will be had tomorrow. Not much other new news to report, I'm really looking forward to seeing what citizens of Joliet will be sporting for the Halloween season. Bye for now!

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Real Update Later Today, I Promise!

Take this test, it's awesome and not as difficult as it might have been had I not watched all ten hours of I Love the 80's Strikes Back.

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