I Know What You Did Last Thursday

Hello hello. Lots to tell, let's start with some news of note from the H-N. Today's Open Line featured a well-meaning but amusing comment. Earlier in the week the Herald News published letters from Eisenhower Academy students in which they detailed ways to improve Joliet. Today's reply from a concerned reader:

Kids now targets

I'm calling regarding the letter you have on the front page of the paper today with the Eisenhower Academy students on it. I feel that it is wrong to have these children's pictures with their last names on the front page talking about gangs. You have now made these children a target for gangs to go after. I just think it's terrible that you put these innocent children's pictures on the front page of the paper when it has to do with them saying they should stop the gangs. Stopping the gangs is a great thing, but you have just made these children all targets to the gangs. If I were one of these parents, I would be outraged at you, and I would look into suing you. I am just disgusted that you did this to these innocent children. Shorewood

I don't know about you, but I'm thinking that elementary school students wouldn't rank too high on gang members' lists of grievances. However, I could be wrong. I can just picture a Scooby Doo style scene in which a bunch of thugs huddle around the Herald News, coming up with ways to thwart those "meddling kids." Ruh roh Shaggy!

And in the Blotter:

Fire alarm tripped

LOCKPORT ? A Crest Hill man was arrested Friday afternoon for allegedly pulling a stunt usually carried out by children.
Police said a man walked into Walsh Elementary School on MacGregor Road and pulled a fire alarm at 2:30 p.m.
Brett Jones, 33, of 2356 Gaylord Road, was arrested on a charge of disorderly conduct and booked into the Will County Jail.
Officials said the man pulled the alarm "for no apparent reason."

I'm thinking that if they hadn't caught him, he may have headed to the cafeteria to start a food fight.

Employee recovers stolen portable toilet

JOLIET ? A portable toilet stolen sometime in the last two months was recovered by an employee of the company that owns it, police said.
The employee of Drop Zone Portable Services was working on another portable toilet Thursday morning when he looked across a field near Mills Road.
The man went to check this portable toilet and found its unit number and the company name had been peeled from it, police said.
The colors on the Drop Zone units are distinctive, police said, and the employee realized the toilet was one of theirs.
The portable toilet may have been stolen as long ago as early December, police said.

I don't want to know about the toilet's "distinctive colors," but I think Drop Zone is an awesome name for a port-a-potty company.

Pizza delivery man threatened

JOLIET ? A pizza delivery man suffered threats and obscenities in the line of duty Wednesday evening.
The 32-year-old pizza man told police he showed up at a house on Market Street to make a delivery shortly before 5:30 p.m.
He knocked on the door of the house, police said, and a man emerged and said, "That's enough of that (stuff)."
The man then reportedly said, "Maybe I should beat on you like you're beating on the door."
After saying this, the man closed in on the pizza man, who backed away, police said.
The pizza man successfully delivered the pizza and was able to return to his place of business, police said.

"Line of duty," I love it. I wonder where the "pizza man" is employed. If he works for Pizza Hut and was delivering the new Four 4 All, I agree, "That's enough of that (stuff)." Do not, I repeat do not try the Four 4 All. If you want your individual pizzas, get the personal pans. However, I do want to try the Cheesy Dots at Domino's. Alas, I hate their pizza, so I don't know if I will be trying them. If anyone has had them, let me know. Perhaps a certain McGriddle eater and Melrose Cafe fan is up to the task.

In other culinary news, Surf City Smoothies is going up at the mall near the soon to be gone Gadzooks we're getting an Outback Steakhouse out by the mall, for steak eaters for whom a "Lone Star" or "Texas Roadhouse" steak simply will not suffice. While I'm always happy for new restaurants, and have an affinity for their soups, appetizers, and frou frou drinks, do we really need 3 steakhouses in that small of a vicinity? Also on the meat tip: Arby's is now 24 hours. Market Fresh at 3 AM! Arby's is in a heated battle with Applebee's for Emily's favorite Chicken Fingers.

And on to the social calendar. . . Samy's on Thursday, of course. It was more packed than usual, luckily some of us beat the rush though others were not so lucky. One of the definite highlights of the night was the reappearance of. . .none other than. . .JLH!!!!! Yes, Jen Love was back in action, dancing like a pom pon girl gone wild as usual. Unfortunately, we lost track of her after a while and were not able to point her out to Legal Larry. Other entertainment: befriending purse carrying "Paramedic Pete," (he said he was holding it for a friend dancing on the bar, but I had my suspicions), learning from our friend Steve that it is possible to have a TV screen in your steering wheel, getting to hear, for the first time, JOURNEY played at Samy's (thanks Joe!), and other things I can't remember because it was a week ago. I really need to start doing Thursday night updates on Fridays.

Friday I stayed home, because Saturday was Valentine's Day aka my sister's birthday. The fam went to Chicago for dinner and then I went out to the bars with my sister and some of our friends. The destination was Spoon, a lounge in Old Town that was pretty cute, but was teeming with metrosexuals. I am not a big fan of guys that use more beauty products than I do, but it was amusing. One guy came up to me, first putting his hand over my face in a strange way that reminded me of how Nicholas Cage and John Travolta always were rubbing their hands over their faces in Face/Off. and introduced himself. I went to shake his hand but then he took my hand, and started rubbing his face with it. I gave him a "what the hell" look and he told me i had very soft hands, and asked what lotion i used. Strange, strange, strange. Also amusing a bar employee who looked exactly like Evan "Joe Millionaire" Marriott. Holly, one of the girls we were with, tried yelling "Evan! Evan!" at him, but he did not respond.

Speaking of Valentine's Day, the Herald News did not exceed, but nearly met, the greatness it achieved with its Happy Ads: Sweetest Day Edition with Saturday's Happy Ads: Valentine Edition. Highlights:

A woman tells her man, ". . .when will it come to an end, when the people will stop thinking that we will ever part. Stop talking and buzzing about us as if we were Bobby and Whitney, all over town."

A mom refers to her son as "Li'l Playboy."

Accompanied by a picture of a posse of guys putting on their best tough faces: "Hot Fire S.T.E.E.L. ENT. and Casper the Slide Man would like ta say Happy Valentines' Day to everyone!" After some research, I discovered that "Casper the Slide Man" invented the Cha Cha Slide. No word on "Hot Fire S.T.E.E.L. ENT."

A man refers to himself as "Your ugly but loving husband."

"Lil' Mama, Since '01 you've been the #1 SMACK."

"Happy Valentine's Day to my Boo. When I say Boo I mean you."

I could really write about this forever, but it's about time for Survivor, so I'll leave you with my favorite nicknames from the "Love Notes:" Hey Girl, Nenecakes, Smile, Pooh Pooh Man, and many, many Wifeys. That's all for now. Adios!