Friday, August 20, 2004


Song on the radio=the above by Melissa Ethridge. In the immortal words of my cousin Dave, "Melissa, quit your whining." Overall, I am not a fan of chick rock. I have only recently become able to tolerate Sheryl Crow.

So I thought I'd do a brief update on last night before I forget everything as usual. Kudos (but not a real Kudos bar, if I had one I'd eat it) to All Around winner in gymnastics Carly Patterson. Besides the artistry, of course, half the fun of watching gymnastics is noting the girls' woeful mistakes in hair and makeup. With all the glitter those girls wear, my mom wondered if they have endorsements lined up with
Claire's. My co-worker informed me that while she was watching Carly Patterson stand on the podium and receive her medal, all she could think was, "I bet Emily's making fun of her eyebrows right now." Alas, I was at the bar during Carly's coronation, but that thought had definitely been running through my head earlier in the evening. She's a cute girl and an awesome gymnast, but on a more superficial note, her eyebrows look like commas! Go easy on the tweezers, Carly.

So last night was another Heroes night, and overall a good time. Though my odd interactions were limited to avoiding the giant beam of a man who reminded us of a leprechaun, and having my hand grabbed (as though he was going to pass me a note) by an unknown passerby, special correspondent Guy Whose Name I Can't Remember (aka G.W.N.I.C.R) was on the case throughout the evening, informing me of Whiskey Tango news bites that might previously have gone unnoticed. First, there was a sighting of the Mother of all Swollies, as worn by an inebriated acquaintance of Mike and Brian. I was more concerned with the fact that he had materialized out of nowhere than his apparel, so I'm glad the swolly was noted. There was also the spotting of a guy, who, apparently attempting to make himself look more "swoll," was wearing the world's tiniest yellow polo shirt that appeared to have been purchased at
abercrombie (lower case abercrombie=kids version of Abercrombie and Fitch. I learned this the hard way when I walked in to abercrombie to buy jeans and was concerned when the pants looked like they would fit an American Girl doll). Perhaps since he was skimping on clothes, "Banana Joe" decided to compensate by putting an entire bottle of gel in his hair. Also noted by G.W.N.I.C.R. was a beer garden brawl that occurred while I was inside. Apparently a bean bag game was interrupted when someone kicked one of the wooden base things (note: check out this H-N column about bags. Who knew that people called it cornhole?). The fight was confirmed by Heroes employee Beer Garden Bouncer (I don't know his name, but thanks for the inf0!), who had his shirt torn in the struggle. While no bags were hurled at anyone's heads, beer bottles apparently were instead. In DJ news, music was overall pretty good, the game for the night involved couples switching shirts (must we always be kinky, Eddie C/Z?), and it was announced that next week will be Hollywood Jim's last night. They've been saying that for a month, so as in the case of promised opening dates for downtown Joliet's Sapphire Club, I'm not counting any chickens. That's all for now.

Thursday, August 19, 2004


Current song on the radio=the above by Paul McCartney and Wings. I love the Beatles in all shapes and forms, and Wings songs are really odd, but overall good. My favorite Wings-related story comes from an episode of Full House. Joey, Danny, and Jesse have formed some kind of musical supergroup that sings "The House on Pooh Corner" to Nicky and Alex (aka Jesse's mophead twins), and of course Aunt Becky wants to join the group, but she has no musical talent. Either Danny or Joey suggests, "Just stick her in the back with a tambourine like Paul did with Linda McCartney." Full House: so witty, so wise.

Some crazy 99.9 news: I was looking back at old entries on my site today, and I found an interesting quote from my 3/18 entry: " I just need a radio station that's like a mixed tape and basically has a little bit of every genre (except perhaps Contemporary Christian Pop, I'm not a DC Talk fan) thrown in."So now I'm wondering if 99.9 reads my website, as obviously they answered my prayers. Recent social adventures. Thursday was a no-bar night. Crazy, but it was cold, everyone was tired, and it just didn't feel like summer. Friday night was another story. We began the evening with cocktails at Casa de Melanie, then headed over to Shorewood Fest. After walking through the carnival, which featured such rides as one in which passengers sat inside bear-shaped cabins (creepy) that was titled "Bear Affair" (creepier), we headed to the beer tent. We quickly realized we were among the youngest there, and the crowd included some creepy ZZ Top-esque (sans long beards) who wore their sunglasses at night and seemed to be peeping at passersby's butts a lot more than necessary. They were just lookin' for some tush, I guess. After appreciating the sounds of Five Guys Named Moe for a while (they had a Bon Jovi medley!), it was time to head out to Samy's. Samy's was its typical self, nothing too much of note, though the dance music choices were unusual. Melanie, Megan, and I had the chance to dance to such forgotten favorites as Paperboy's "Ditty" and 2 Live Crew's "Me So Horny." After a while, Megan and I headed out to Larsen's. It was apparently "bars I hadn't been to in a while" night. At Larsen's, we ran into O.J., Jeff and company, I sampled a drink called the "Bomb Pop" that was quite tasty (raspberry vodka and cranberry juice), and we escaped a very belligerent fellow bar patron. Quite an adventure. Saturday night Melanie and I headed out for another Naperville night. We hung out at Features and, of course, had nachos. It was an awesome night, not too many crazy stories but we met some fun people and were introduced to Chris Chelios' cousins, one of whom was also named Chris Chelios. Wacky.

I've mostly been relaxing the past couple days, continuing to improve my Ghosts in the Graveyard skills (and a new favorite, Kick the Can), and watching the Olympics, while doing my best to avoid the evil websites that publish results before they're televised. Yahoo has gotten wise and put the option on their page to hide Olympic results, but MSN hasn't been so charitable. I'm really glad I didn't know the results of last night's gymnastics, because Paul Hamm's comeback was incredible. I am also very entertained by his squeaky voice. He sounds like he borrowed Kerri Strug's voicebox. Tomorrow starts a new and potentially entertaining event, the trampoline. I don't know what this consists of, but it sounds hilarious. I just want to know when DDR is going to make it to the Olympics. It's got to be about even with rhythmic gymnastics for athleticism.

Tuesday night I went to see "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle" with Shannon and Joe. This was an awesome movie. Absolutely hilarious, and it made White Castle actually look good. After a night on the town, I may have to finally give in and have a Slider sometime soon. So yeah, this movie was great, I'd give it about 3 1/2 stars on my comedy scale. I also saw "Thirteen Going on 30" recently on DVD. Very cute, awesome soundtrack, 3 stars.

On the way home from the movie the other night, we were listening to Joe's XM Satellite Radio. On the 80's station, they played a song by Eddie Murphy called "Boogie in Your Butt." You'll have to read the lyrics to believe that this song could actually exist. And in the news, Melanie recently emailed me this story:

Bear drinks campers' beer, passes out

Associated Press Aug. 19, 2004 07:15 AM
BAKER LAKE, Wash. - When state Fish and Wildlife agents recently found a black bear passed out on the lawn of Baker Lake Resort, there were some clues scattered nearby - dozens of empty cans of Rainier Beer.The bear apparently got into campers' coolers and used his claws and teeth to puncture the cans. And not just any cans.

"He drank the Rainier and wouldn't drink the Busch beer," said Lisa Broxson, bookkeeper at the campground and cabins resort east of Mount Baker.

Fish and Wildlife enforcement Sgt. Bill Heinck said the bear did try one can of Busch, but ignored the rest. The beast then consumed about 36 cans of Rainier.A wildlife agent tried to chase the bear from the campground but the animal just climbed a tree to sleep it off for another four hours.

Agents finally herded the bear away, but it returned the next morning.Agents then used a large, humane trap to capture it for relocation, baiting the trap with the usual: doughnuts, honey and, in this case, two open cans of Rainier.That did the trick."This is a new one on me," Heinck said. "I've known them to get into cans, but nothing like this. And it definitely had a preference."

Well, I'd always heard Busch beer sucked, but I guess now it's been proven. I don't know anything about Rainier now. Maybe this bear should do some taste tests and make a final judgement on the neverending battle between Miller and Bud. That's all for now. Adios!

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

I Hate Yahoo

I don't often post twice in one day, but I am very angry right now. It's unusual that I get very angry, but I was checking my Yahoo email to see if anyone had commented about my column, and THEY GAVE THE RESULTS OF TONIGHT's SWIMMING AND GYMNASTICS on the front page. I know this stuff happened already, but it's not airing until tonight, and I like to go in knowing nothing. Seriously, can't they just have a "Click here for Olympics results" link? Curse you, Yahoo.

And a note: my comment system is a bit different now because I couldn't figure out how to incorporate my old one into the design. You can sign up to be able to use comments, or it might just be easier to leave comments using the "anonymous" option and put your name at the bottom if you like. Back to bitching at the Yahooligans.

The Eternal Flame Burns Out

As you may notice, I redesigned the site. I was getting a little sick of the fire motif, and went for something new. I don't know how much I like this new style, but the options were limited. However, I love green and I like polka dots, so there you go. I have to figure out how to reinstall the "Weather Pixie" and my list of links, but other than that we're back to normal. The tagboard, along with the mailing list option, are now on the right of the page. It's all so purty!

I'll share my recent adventures tomorrow, but here's a couple quick notes. First, I've recently heard a country song on 99.9, sung by The Notorious Cherry Bombs, which features the refrain, "It's hard to kiss the lips at night that chew your ass out all day long. " Eloquent! I may have to start liking more country. Also, today's police blotter was AMAZING.

Man chases, then flashes women
JOLIET — A skinny, white man decked out in a black dress and pearl necklace flashed two young women after chasing them around the West Side early Monday, police said.
The women first noticed the man was tailing them on West Jefferson Street near Hammes Avenue about 4 a.m.
The man was driving a black minivan erratically as he pursued the women, who tried to give him the slip by turning south onto 129th Infantry Drive.
The minivan caught up while the women were stopped for a light at McDonough Street and Houbolt Road.
The man then emerged from the minivan, resplendent in his black dress and pearls.
As he approached the women, he lifted his dress and exposed himself, police said. The woman then fled and called the law.
Police said the man is white, about 5-foot-9 and thin. He has short brown hair and was wearing a black dress and pearl necklace.

I wonder if he got his pearl necklace at Heroes. . . Adios, and let me know what you think of the new design!

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