Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Who Let the Bulls Out?

It was 83 in October yesterday, who da thunk it. It's supposed to be in the 60's all week, and as Justin Timberlake would say in those incredibly horrible yet catchy McDonald's commercials, I'm lovin' it. It's been an interesting week in the paper. My cousin got quoted in the sports section regarding the Cubs game (can't find the link), we've had a couple good blotter entries, and of course, Saturday was Sweetest Day, which means an expanded edition of Happy Ads in which couples who aren't quite sure if they'll make it to Valentine's Day pledge their everlasting love. Highlights:

"Rashaad, 3 1/2 years ago at the car wash, you changed my life . ." How dirty was your car?

An "acrostic poem" in which the woman describes her man as a "notorious lover." Is this a good thing? I'm worried she might catch something.

"Karla, after 40 years, your beauty still hasn't changed very much. Thanks for being a mother and a sister."

And my personal favorite: "Happy Sweetest Day to the finest sexiest wives in the world, pat that Don King down & give me a kiss! Love, your husband" No, I don't know what that means, nor how the husband manages to have multiple wives. Maybe we're better off not knowing.

So eloquent, so touching, these words of love. As for the Blotter:

Failed auction
JOLIET — An East Cass Street man's attempt to buy a "precious metal" through an Internet auction failed and he cannot make contact with the seller, police said.
The man reportedly told police he bought the "precious metal" from a North Ridge, Calif., man in May for $1,235.
Since then, he has been unable to make contact with the seller, police said. The man's check was cashed Sept. 12.

I really wasn't aware that Ebay dealings were under the jurisdiction of local police, but I don't like cop shows so I don't know much about these things. However, I hear Reno 911 is good. And about the precious metal. . .what would you designate as a precious metal? I would have to go with Guns n' Roses or perhaps Poison. Perhaps the man should be wary in future internet transactions and remember that every rose has its thorn.

Cops: Man lies about name, but tattoo doesn't
JOLIET — A local man's attempt to keep his identity secret from the law failed miserably when he proved unable to spell his alias and an officer spotted his real name tattooed on his hand, police said.
Abel Moreno, 35, of 307 Youngs Ave. was arrested on a charge of attempting to obstruct justice in connection with his conversation with police shortly before 2 a.m. Friday.
An officer taking exception with the tint on the windows of Moreno's Chevy S-10 pickup truck pulled him over on Collins Street near Meeker Avenue.
Moreno first identified himself as Ramon Rodriguez-Dominguez, police said.
"It should be known the driver could not spell Rodriguez, nor could he provide (officers) with any form of ID," according to a police report.
Moreno then reversed his last name, police said, claiming it was Dominguez-Rodriguez. The officer then reportedly caught sight of the tell-tale tattoo.
"While speaking with the driver, (the officer) observed the name 'Abel' tattooed on the driver's left hand," police said.

Man, what's with Joliet thugs and their inability to spell their aliases? This case smacks of the Theresa debacle of late August. It's too bad that the Blotter writer missed out on an awesome bit of "punnery" in his lead: A local man's attempt to keep his identity secret from the law failed miserably when he proved "unabel" to spell his alias and an officer spotted his real name tattooed on his hand. . .

A quick note on a new bar: we went to Buffalo Wild Wings in Plainfield on Tuesday night to watch what ended up being the Bartman fiasco. Very nice place, spacious, high ceilings, very open, though it was packed to the brim. The bathroom smelled like a tanning salon, which is better than most public restrooms. I didn't eat at all, so I can't judge the wings yet, but I'm sure I'll be back to test them another time.

Thursday night I went to Heroes with Melanie, Megan, and Nancy. We had fun, though the night bore a resemblance to "The Saturday Night at Samy's that We Don't Like to Talk About." I acquired a new addition to the list of Best Pickup Lines: "My friend thinks you have a nice ass." And who said romance was dead? There were no former cast members of 90210 in attendance, nor Old Yeller, though I don't know that I'd recognize her without her lemon-hued leisure apparel, but we did befriend an entertaining Heroes bouncer, Rob, who was sad that I didn't wear my Joe Mama shirt again this week. Could we have met a successor to Chuckie's throne in terms of "Heroes Bouncer who is amused by our antics"? Who can say? Only time.

Friday night I just did some shopping, eating, and TV watching. Note: while Courtney and I were killing time walking around the mall while waiting for our oh so thuggish Friday's pager to go off, we stopped in at Lids, the new "All athletic hats, all the time" store at the mall. Apparently there was a void for this market, a "hole in the athletic layer" if you will, that Foot Locker, Athlete's Foot, Champs, and Finish Line just couldn't fill, and thank goodness Lids (or is it Lidz? I don't like unnecessary "z's." The "z" in Quizno's is necessary. By the way, can Quizno's make a bad sandwich? I haven't found one yet. Wendy, I know you feel differently. Let's discuss). Anyway, I digress. At Lids we saw the best hat ever. It had a little cartoon of a man on it with the words, "Abe Frohman: Sausage King of Chicago." Much, much cooler than the "Bubba Gump Shrimp Company" hat I bought in high school. Note 2: The green apple, blue cheese, cranberries, and pecans salad at Friday's is excellent. I haven't been a huge fan of Friday's lately, but if they keep this up, they could regain their position near the top of the "overly decorated restaurants that have giant drink menus and cheese sticks" hierarchy. If not, Joliet best get a Houlihan's stat.

Saturday was more shopping (recommendations: Green Tea Smoothie at Gloria Jean's, be sure to ask for extra green tea, and Yankee Candle Car Jar Mackintosh Apple Air Freshener), followed by a trip to Bedrocks with Courtney, Rob and Mike. You may ask, why Bedrocks? It's true I've mockedthis Shorewood establishment numerous times in the past. However, some of Mike's friends were going there and we couldn't come up with anything better to do. As we pulled up to Bedrocks, I noticed the parking lot was quite crowded. Would this have anything to do with the billboard reading, "Bull Saturday October 19"? As Kool-Aid Man would say, "Oh yeah!" We entered Bedrocks to find that the place was packed with people, including some dressed like it was 1993. These luminaries included a man in a washed silk shirt/vest combo. Note: I wore a blue washed silk shirt in 1993 when I was a village trustee during Shorewood Youth in Government Day in 8th grade. There's just something about washed silk and Shorewood. The 1993 mood was complemented by the music, featuring Steven Tyler warning that now that Janie has a gun, things were never going to be the same. I wanted to run away, run away from the pain, but we decided to stay for some beverages. After getting a drink, we headed into "The Cave," the "Club" part of Bedrocks, which was just as packed as the "Bedrocks" portion. "The Cave" had the appeal and style of a scaled down version of the Troy Junior High gym during a sock hop, circa early 1990's, only no one was slow dancing to "Blaze of Glory." Perhaps that happens on other nights though, because on Saturday, the featured attraction was the mechanical bull. The music in "The Cave" featured the oh so current tunes of Jock Jams (Steve claims it was Volume 2, and while I did hear "I Like to Move It" and probably "Boom Boom Boom," I also heard "C'mon and Ride It (The Train)" and "Cotton Eye Joe" from Volume 3. Also "Who Let the Dogs Out" was played. Surprisingly, "The Cave" did not empty out. As the music escalated, the bullriders began, led by a man that looked like Hagrid from Harry Potter. There were many cowboys who tried their hand, but I did not partake. It looked fun, and I want to try it sometime, but I feared death or whiplash. We watched for a bit before deciding to escape the mob and check out the beer garden. We sat out there for a while before the faint yet lingering smell of ass in the air was too much for our delicate senses, then headed in for the remainder of the evening. It felt like a cavalcade of all stars from bar nights past, including Angry Cowboy, Guy We Met at McBrody's (whose finger had met up with a nail gun with painful results). I learned that it is possible to have fun at Bedrocks, who knew? I just hope it wasn't a Bedrocks patron who was being a "Shore Hood" that night; apparently someone stole a 7 foot giraffe statue from outside Shorewood Family Dental Care late Saturday or early Sunday. Perhaps after braving the mechanical bull, someone decided to move on to a larger fake animal. That's all for now, adios!

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